You can now add Safraz Shadeek Shakoor to the long list of wild “Florida Man” headlines.
Shakoor, a Clearwater, Florida resident, was busted on Tuesday night for allegedly sneaking into his neighbor’s unlocked car to steal a single roll of toilet paper. The neighbor said he saw Shakoor snatch the TP, which prompted a call to the cops.
It gets weirder. The theft reportedly occurred around 1:08 AM. When the cops showed up at Shakoor’s home about half an hour later, Shakoor denied the allegations and agreed to a search, Heavy reported.
Police found a single roll of toilet paper stashed in his front pocket. The brand of toilet paper matched the same dollar-store brand stowed in the neighbor’s vehicle. The deputies arrested him at 1:40 AM.
Why Shakoor was walking around his home with an entire roll of toilet paper shoved into his pants is anyone’s guess. But we guess when you gotta go, you gotta go right fuckin’ now. There is, after all, a coronavirus pandemic happening at the moment, and everyone’s in panic mode doing crazy ass shit like starting fights in grocery stores and, uh, walking around with entire rolls of TP in their pants.
Regardless, Shakoor got slapped with a third-degree burglary felony for allegedly committing a crime in someone else’s car, even though the entire package of butt-wipes only cost a buck. The charges carry a maximum prison sentence of five years. He’s currently being held at Pinellas County Justice Center on a $5,000 bond.
In 2012, Shakoor was arrested and convicted for weed possession and dealing. So his prior history of felonies will likely count against him in court for his latest charges.