B-movie maven Charles Band has always had his finger on the pulse (among other bodily functions) of the schlock-cinema-loving public. From ’70s sex comedies (Cinderella) and crackpot sci-fi (Laserblast) to 1980s creature features (Ghoulies) and splatter horror (Re-Animator) to high-concept ’90s VHS fright franchises (the Puppetmaster series), Band and his studio Full Moon Features rolled up ready to rock into the self-aware, irony-imbued 21st century arena of charmingly cheapo entertainment.

Gingerdead Man (2005) established Band’s fresh direction. Gary Busey stars in the horror comedy with as an executed killer who comes back to life as a homicidal holiday cookie. Arising from the same madness the following year came Evil Bong, a tongue-in-cheek (and mouth-atop-bubbling-smoke) mix of fright, frivolity, and wild 420 fun that has emitted five direct follow-ups to date, as well as an ongoing crossover with Gingerdead Man.

Here now, just in time for the high horror days of Halloween, is our review of every flick in the entire Evil Bong franchise. Smoke ’em all… cause we watched ’em all!

Evil Bong (2006)

And so, it gets lit. Über-nerd/college dork Alistair (David Weidoff) moves into a slacker-packed crash pad where his roommates —surfer dude Bachman (Mitch Eakins), layabout Larnell (John Patrick Jordan), ex-jock Brett (Brian Lloyd), and peppy Luann (Robin Sydney) — fire up a peculiar water-pipe that turns out to be the possessed pot paraphernalia of the title.

One by one, the stoners take a hard pull and cross over to “Bong World,” an interdimensional strip-club lorded over by Eebee, the fully anthropomorphic Evil Bong with a face and a voice provided by Michelle Mais (yes, Eebee seems to be female). It all seems like high heaven until the peelers’ breasts come to life and devour patrons during lap-dances.

Bong World is also populated by maniacal puppets and playthings from previous Full Moon productions such as Dollman (1991), Demonic Toys, and, yes, Dollman vs. Demonic Toys (1993). It’s all very meta-meets-marijuana.

Back on earth, Tommy Chong happens by as a stoner named Jimbo Leary. He explains that the Evil Bong is the result of voodoo curse. Jimbo attempts every slapstick manner of destroying the bong he can come up with (hammer, chainsaw, etc.), but only ends up getting blown into Bong World.

It’s not much of a spoiler alert to reveal that not only does Jimbo save everybody, he ends up being crowned king of a newly benevolent Bong World.

The studio also put together an ambitious soundtrack and even released it on CD. It features Kottonmouth Kings, Insane Clown Posse, Twiztid, and Sen Dog from Cypress Hill. It’s high time for an Evil Bong vinyl LP reissue, so fans can use the cover to roll joints, old-school style. That’s what Tommy Chong would do!

Evil Bong 2: King Bong (2009)

The whole gang (minus Tommy Chong) returns in Evil Bong 2, suffering weird aftereffects from a visit to Bong World that include narcolepsy, rabid animal lust that leads to public leg-humping, and rapid weight gain that involves a supremely goofy fat suit. They also hook up with marijuana-loving mailman Rabbit (Sonny Carl Davis).

To reverse the curse, the stoners travel to the Amazon where they contend with the Poontang tribe, warrior women who wear very little clothing and worship a towering monster pipe named King Bong. This talking smoke stack is a corrupted ganja god so gnarly that even Eebee, the original Evil Bong, fears him.

A plunge into King Bong’s hundred-foot-tall chamber blasts the adventurers into a jungle-themed Bong World, where Rabbit gets rolled into a human sized doobie and smoked. Teaming with Eebee, our heroes correct this terrible cosmic misuse of cannabis.

Believe it or not, A) this is a real movie; B) the special effects are more amusing than terrible; and C) we still have five more Evil Bong movies to go.

Evil Bong 3-D: The Wrath of Bong (2011)

While Evil Bong 2 boasted the tagline, “In 3-D — if you’re stoned!,” this third go-round with Eebee and the same bunch of baked knuckleheads actually makes it happen.

Be prepared, then, for space buds to bombard your glasses-equipped peppers, joints to be handed to you, copious smoke clouds to pour forth from your TV screen (although be sure to double check that you didn’t actually spill bong water into the set by mistake).

A new villain, Alien Bong (voiced by Circus Szlaweski), crash lands on Earth. Smokers who dare take a hit from his head get transported to an intergalactic psychedelic Bong World, where space strippers drain the males of their sperm.

Alien Bong intends to mix the stolen seed with marijuana from other planets and create a mega-powered hemp-human hybrid to enslave the universe. Eebee and the regular pot posse do what’s necessary to prevent Alien Bong’s sinister plot. Fortunately, that involves a lot of smoking and a lot of partying with sexy aliens clad solely in body-paint — in 3-D, remember!

Gingerdead Man vs. Evil Bong (2011)

It’s the crossover blend of “baked goods” that nobody knew they wanted until, well, somebody got baked enough to make it happen. Gingerdead Man vs. Evil Bong revives the serial-killing cookie (voiced here by Bob Ramos) and sends him in pursuit of Eebee’s crew, who have taken to hanging around (and sparking up) at Dick’s Head Shop.

Gingerdead Man blames the execution that turned him into a living Yuletide treat on Sarah Leigh (get it?). Now he believes he can be turned human again by Eebee’s buddy Luann. Both characters appear here in what feels more like two half-finished sequels rolled together into a sadly unsatisfying experimental strain.

Now, here’s where Gingerdead Man vs. Evil Bong achieves another level of self-referencing that can only be attributed to reefer: actress Robin Sydney portrays Sarah Leigh in the Gingerdead Man film series AND she plays Luann in the Evil Bong franchise.

If you think reading all that is confusing, try watching Gingerdead Man vs. Evil Bong without being sufficiently lit — but, wait, no one could actually watch any of these movies without copiously smoking in the first place, could they? We dare not find out!

Evil Bong 420 (2015) 

Rabbit (Sonny Carl Davis), who became a pot-pushing priest all the way back in Evil Bong 3-D, further spreads his ganja gospel in Evil Bong 420 by opening up a topless bowling alley that also peddles “gutterballs” — i.e., sacks of schwag — on the side.

Eebee, apparently bored by her present circumstances, puffs up a new plot to conquer humanity. Gingerdead Man — he’s back, too — longs to break free of Bong World so he can copulate with a flesh-and-blood woman.

She fails, but he succeeds — and both the manner and amount of frosting that flies at the climactic moment of human-cookie intercourse is enough to cause a choking fit from sheer dumb laughter. So time your at-home bong hits accordingly.

Evil Bong: High 5 (2016)

With the once-lovable Eebee resorting to her rogue ways, Evil Bong: High 5 opens with the usual roster of roach-puffers trapped inside the interdimensional Bong World. Gingerdead Man, who’s chill since he’s had sex, is now a member of our chronic crew.

The plot involves Eebee freeing Rabbit and a few others so they can raise $1 million in 30 days by opening a medical marijuana dispensary. The comedy, as it were, comes from customers happening by to get high — but rarely is the gimmick funny.

Most notable is the character Hambo (Charles A. Reardon), a pig-snouted goon who pushes dolls and toys based on characters from previous Full Moon movies, including Evil Bong, Gingerdead Man, and even Hambo himself. At this point in the cycle, we’re really down to stems, seeds, shitty CGI, and blatant self-promotion.

Evil Bong 666 (2017)

In Evil Bong 420, Eebee ends up going to hell. Evil Bong 666, then, kicks off with an occult ceremony busting open the fiery underworld’s front portal — which looks unmistakably female and genital in nature — launching Eebee back to the realm of roach-toking mortals.

Lucy Furr (Mindy Robinson), who worships Satan, purchases Dick’s Head Shop during a fire sale — that’s to say that the store was literally ablaze when she bought it. Eebee seduces Lucy into packing her chamber and taking a pull, and provides the pot-trepeneur with a high so devilishly dope she’s happy to sacrifice head shop customers to keep vagina-spawned cheeba-creatures coming.

Robin Sidney as Luann returns to take on new characters such as Beelzebud (Peter Donald Badalamenti), Gingerweed Man (Alex Maxson), Stoner Zombie Girl (Megan Sage), Sexy Demon 1 (Riley Mae), and Sexy Demon 2 (Kylie Sky). Evil Bong 666 runs a mere 65 minutes long, but you won’t complain about getting shorted.

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