The DEA’s New Drug Slang Guide Includes Hilarious Additions and Omissions
This year we’ll be smoking Blue Jeans, tripping out on Grape Parfait, and sniffing Aunt Nora - wait, what?
Published on June 7, 2017

It’s been less than a month since we told you about the DEA’s ridiculous new webpage suggesting parents look through their teenagers’ teddy bears and graphing calculators to uncover hidden drugs, but the alphabet boys are already back with some more laughable intel, a new “dictionary” of drug slang that is both incredibly confusing and undeniably hilarious.

The DEA slang guide was released last month and takes a very, very broad look at the street names used for America’s favorite mind altering substances. 

Starting with our namesake, the boys in blue compiled almost a page of nicknames for the devil’s lettuce including but not limited to, “Blue Jeans,” “Tex-Mex,” “Smoochy, Woochy, Poochy,” and “Young Girls.” 

We’re pretty sure that bud tenders and black market weed dealers alike won’t be responding kindly to your requests for “Young Girls,” but it might be a pretty good way to spot a narc. 

To try and prove that they’re not stuck too far in the past, the feds also included a separate section on “Marijuana Concentrates.” Of course, the DEA couldn’t even get that right, as the agency clearly hasn’t caught up to the newest trends, with no mention of solventless extracts or rosin tech - sorry boys. 

The Agency’s list of monikers isn’t just about weed, either, and the nicknames for cocaine, LSD, and heroin are just as absurd, with seemingly made-up nicknames like “Dinosaurs” (LSD), “Oyster Stew” (cocaine) and “Old Steve” (Heroin).

Check out the whole list of outdated and fed-invented drug slang here and find some new ways to confuse your dealer.

Zach Harris
Zach Harris is a writer based in Philadelphia whose work has appeared on Noisey, First We Feast, and Jenkem Magazine. You can find him on Twitter @10000youtubes complaining about NBA referees.
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