The DEA Thinks Teens Are Hiding Drugs in Teddy Bears - News | MERRY JANE
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The DEA Thinks Teens Are Hiding Drugs in Teddy Bears

A new DEA page suggests parents look inside stuffed animals, and pretty much every object with batteries to find their kids’ stash.

by Zach Harris

If there’s one thing that gets anti-drug folks riled up more than anything, it’s teenage drug use. But when it comes to curbing high school stoners or even bringing up the topic, most parents, teachers, lawmakers and cops are utterly inept. 

In the most recent case of adults making fools of themselves in front of teenagers, the DEA’s “Get Smart About Drugs” website added a new section suggesting where in a teenager’s bedroom a parent should search for drugs, and boy is it hilarious.

The new page, added last week, was first noticed by USA Today’s Brad Heath, who posted the list’s most ridiculous stash spot on Twitter.

 

 

Aside from the seams of an “adored childhood teddy bear” the DEA is pretty sure that teenagers are hiding their drugs inside of their alarm clocks, graphing calculators and behind their posters. The website pretty much calls for a prison-style room check if you suspect your kid is getting high. 

Of course, everyone who’s ever smoked a joint before their 18th birthday knows that a parent rummaging through your stuff usually just leads to even more obscure hiding places and increased drug use, but that’s besides the point - check inside that Xbox!

Because teenagers are much better at using the Internet than their parents, these hiding places have no doubt already been taken out of circulation. But if your kid’s alarm clock is constantly flashing 4:20 and they never wake up in time for school, it might be a good idea to check that out - you probably didn’t need the DEA to tell you that though, right?


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Zach Harris is a writer based in Philadelphia whose work has appeared on Noisey, First We Feast, and Jenkem Magazine. You can find him on Twitter @10000youtubes complaining about NBA referees.



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