High Fashion, Vol. 3 — The Most Stylish Ways to Get High - Culture | MERRY JANE
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High Fashion, Vol. 3 — The Most Stylish Ways to Get High

​From rolling joints to freebasing off the cap of a champagne bottle, we rate how to smoke in style.

by Drew Millard

by Drew Millard

Here at High Fashion, we believe that the journey is just as important as the destination. Despite the demonstrable benefits of weed as a medicinal aid and the expanding acceptance of marijuana as a facet of normal, healthy lifestyles, there’s still a tendency to view stoners as unclean, or gross, or just goofball losers.

A lot of that has to do with how it gets ingested—not all weed-smoking methods are created equally, and there are definitely ways that are more stylish than others. It is hard, for example, to imagine Ulisses Lima and Arturo Belano, the cool-ass marijuana-trafficking poets from Roberto Belaño The Savage Detectives, taking turns hitting a Volcano vaporizer, and it’s even harder to visualize noted literary hashish user Charles Baudelaire really going at a gravity bong.  

But just as there’s more than one way to skin a cat, there’s more than one way to get high, and so I’ve taken the liberty of breaking a few of them down and rating them on a style scale of 0 (least stylish) to 420 (most stylish).  

Joints

Ah, smoking the marijuana like a cigarette. Old faithful. Joint-rolling is a timeless activity, one that’s fun to do and one of those timeless skills that will help you make friends and influence people, even if we reach peak oil and the world falls into Mad Max-style disarray. If you get a nice rolling tray and a solid, stainless-steel grinder, a joint-rolling setup can be a living room staple even if your shit is all West Elmed out. Plus, The Dude smoked joints. Who’s cooler than The Dude?

Style Score: 380/420  

Pipes

Look. Smoking weed out of a pipe is kind of lame. Everything starts to taste like ash after a few hits, and besides that, the imagery associated with most glass pipes is relegated to the realm of “Phish concert.” Pipes are simple, relatively inexpensive, and they definitely work, but unless you live in a dorm room and want smoking device you can stash in your desk whenever your RA drops by, come on, love yourself and buy a vape. On the other hand, sometimes gigantic pipes are tight, like this $2,000 monstrosity shaped like a sword.

Style Score: 210/420  

Vapes

In the past couple of years, personal vaporizers have supplanted bowls as the practical, efficient smoker’s go-to device. There are a ton of companies that make self-contained vape setups that will run you anywhere from $50 to $350. Some of these are just meant to get the job done and look like cheap weird robot dicks that you suck on and get high. Others, such as the Ploom PAX or the Firefly, have been created with design in mind—the PAX sort of looks like an old iPod, while the Firefly’s retrofuturistic design recalls a Ford Fairline from the 50’s. Then there’s the Magic Flight Launch Box, a wooden vape that looks like an instrument The Lone Gunmen would use to intercept alien transmissions in The X-Files.

Style Score: N/A, because not all vapes are created equal.  

Bongs

As a rule, bongs aren’t that great. A shut-in wearing a drug rug hitting a four-foot bong is what Middle America immediately thinks of when they hear the word “stoner”. So if you’re going to get a bong, there’s only one bong to get: this bong in the shape of Yoda’s head.

Style Score: 105/420, except for the Yoda bong, which is obviously a 430/420.  

Blunts

You are reading a website about weed that is owned by Snoop Dogg. Obviously, we think blunts are the best.

Style Score: 420/420  

Champagne Bottles

One time some friends and I had a bunch of weed and no way to smoke it, but we’d just drunk a bottle of Moët. So we took the muselet (that’s the little cage on top of a champagne bottle holding the cork in place), popped out the little metal cap, and turned it over so it was like a little metal bowl on top of the muselet. Then we ground up our weed, put it in the cap, held a lighter under it so the cap would get hot as shit and burn the weed, and then inhaled the fumes with a straw. I can’t say this is really effective or anything, but turning a champagne bottle into a DIY mechanism for freebasing weed is some real flagrant shit, and one of the tenets of fashion is doing something wild unnecessary for no reason.

Style Score: 400/420  


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Drew Millard

Drew Millard is a freelance writer and dog owner living in Durham, North Carolina. His writing has appeared in VICE, High Times, Hazlitt, SPIN, and many other publications. Follow him on Twitter at @drewmillard.



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