In John 2:1-11, Christ miraculously turns water into wine. According to a new medical case study from Pennsylvania, doctors just discovered a woman who literally pisses alcohol into the john, though there’s nothing blessed about her condition.
The report, published this morning in the Annals of Internal Medicine, dubbed the unidentified woman’s condition “bladder fermentation syndrome” or “urinary auto-brewery syndrome.” Basically, whenever she eats carbohydrates, her body converts the sugars into alcohol.
Doctors stumbled on her case when the woman, 61, visited the University of Pittsburgh Medical Centre Presbyterian Hospital for a liver transplant. She also lives with diabetes, which led the doctors to suspect that she struggled with alcoholism, too.
However, her tests didn’t match up with alcohol addiction, and she denied being a drinker. Doctors soon realized that her urine didn’t contain alcohol metabolites like ethyl glucuronide and ethyl sulfate. Instead, her urine contained high amounts of pure alcohol and budding yeast, which would only be possible if she guzzled a keg of beer before entering the clinic. The doctors noted that she never appeared visibly intoxicated during her visits.
Further tests confirmed that the yeast colonies were brewing alcohol within her bladder, which caused her to urinate booze. Antifungal treatments failed to get rid of the yeast, but she re-qualified for a liver transplant after the rare condition was discovered and diagnosed.
"The experience we describe here of two liver transplant teams at different institutions demonstrates how easy it is to overlook signals that urinary auto-brewery syndrome may be present," the doctors wrote. "Clinicians must be diligent about paying close attention to medical record documentation and laboratory results and should always investigate in the event of incongruences."
The doctors reported that a similar condition, known as auto-brewery syndrome, has already been documented. In that one, bacteria in the intestines convert carbohydrates into alcohol, causing the patient to defecate pure booze rather than peeing it out. Furthermore, people with intestinal auto-brewery syndrome, unlike the urinary version, will get drunk AF just from eating carbs without ever having to take a single sip of whiskey or wine. Turning water into wine is one thing, but turning piss into booze does not sound like a miracle to us.