NEWS
Kentucky Woman Tries to Cheat Drug Test Using Dog Urine
There are dozens of great ways to beat a drug test if you haven't been staying sober, but trying to smuggle your own dog's urine into a probation office is not one of them.
Published on January 17, 2020

Every once in a while, probation officers will catch a desperate convict trying to beat a drug test by substituting a sober friend's pee for their own. At the tail end of 2019, Kentucky cops busted a woman for trying to do just that, but the story took an unexpected twist — she actually turned to a furry friend for a source of unadulterated urine.

On December 30, 2019, 40-year-old Julie Miller showed up to the Bell County Probation and Parole Office in Pineville, Kentucky for a regular probation check-up. Miller's probation officer asked her to provide a urine sample to ensure that she was sober, as part of the terms of her probation. 

According to a press release from the Pineville Police Department, Miller tried to sneak a bottle of dog urine into the bathroom, hoping to use it to beat the test. Miller ended up admitting to the police that she brought the canine pee with her because she knew that she would fail the drug test. She admitted to using methamphetamine and Suboxone, a prescription opioid medication that is regularly abused. 

The press release does not divulge whether Miller was actually caught with the dog pee, or if she just admitted to the crime after realizing the futility of her plan. In the end, it didn't matter whether or not Miller could have succeeded in passing off her dog's pee as her own. A urinalysis test can easily identify whether urine is from human or animal origin.

And even if the lab failed to realize that the urine was from a dog and not a human, there's still no guarantee that the dog itself would have even been sober enough to pass the test. The ASPCA poison control center recently reported that the number of calls about pets eating weed edibles increased by 765 percent from 2018 to 2019. These accidental pot overindulgences rarely lead to long-term health consequences for pets, but would certainly guarantee that these stoned pets would fail a drug test.

Miller was arrested on the spot and charged with tampering with physical evidence. The unfortunate woman also received a probation violation for failing the drug test, and a warrant for trafficking in a controlled substance.

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Chris Moore
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Chris Moore is a New York-based writer who has written for Mass Appeal while also mixing records and producing electronic music.
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