If you run out of sex lube during the coronavirus pandemic, please, for the love of all that’s good, don’t use hand sanitizer in its place.
While most people probably wouldn’t waste precious hand sanitizer on masturbation, the thought may be tempting for some desperate self-pleasurers stuck in self-quarantine. After all, hand sanitizer offers the same slick, jelly-like consistency as some of our favorite weed-infused lubes, but that’s where the similarity stops.
"Yes, our groins are warm, dark places and have a tendency to perspire — however, the skin there is sensitive," Dr. Earim Chaudry told Metro.
The reason why you should never, ever use hand sanitizer on your naughty bits is because it contains rubbing alcohol. If you’ve got the kind of hand sanitizer that can kill the novel coronavirus, it should contain at least 60 percent alcohol.
"Isopropyl alcohol is not safe for internal use, and if used whilst masturbating, it could make its way down your vaginal or penile opening — this will damage the internal skin,” Chaudry continued. "Alcohol is drying, and the skin on your genitals is also sensitive and just as easily damaged."
But hey, don’t take a licensed medical doctor’s word for it. The jackfest experts at Fuck My Life can attest to the dangers of pulling your pud with Purell, too.
“Today, I found out that using a certain hand sanitizer as masturbation lube will put you in the hospital and result in having to wear an adult diaper for a week,” wrote one unfortunate FML user — way back in 2011.
Vaginas are certainly not immune to the burning ravages of rubbing alcohol, either. In 2017, a doctor mistakenly applied hand sanitizer to a patient’s labia during a check-up. The result? A urethra plagued by non-stop stinging for several long, torturous minutes. Not exactly the smartest move on the doc’s part.
If you’re wondering (probably not) if hand sanitizer can kill sperm, yes, it can. But seeing as it can damage your most sensitive parts — and considering that single bottles of it are going for as much as $90 a pop due to national shortages — save the sanitizer for stopping the virus, and ration your lube accordingly. Be wise: This pandemic and its social-distancing strategies may go on into August.