In one of the most distinctly American headlines of the week, Costco — purveyor of everything from bulk consumer goods to coffins and Wagyu beef — is now selling a 27-pound bucket of macaroni and cheese.
According to Mashable, the Chef's Banquet brand mac ‘n cheese “storage unit” contains 180 servings of sweet, sweet carbs for the (fair?) price of $89.99. To be clear, the gargantuan snack stash is not just filled to the brim with uncooked noodles, but rather contains 180 individual servings all in one bucket.
Apparently, the offering is already sold out on Costco’s website, which inspires quite a few questions. To start, who would want so much g’damn mac and cheese, besides a prepper with a serious case of the munchies? And besides, of course, eating its contents — what else could one do with all that comfort food?
We came up with a few admittedly half-baked ideas:
- Feed the homeless
- Feed everyone at Shakedown Street outside a Dead & Company show
- Take a cute Instagram pic of yourself in a bath of mac ‘n cheese
- Make a sculpture of Arnold from Hey Arnold! (You will return our love one day, sweet Football-Head..)
- Use it for an erotic photoshoot (we'll let you work out the details on your own time)
- Review it on a Youtube channel → become a famous carb vlogger
- Get into busking → become the celebrated “Mac ‘n Cheese Bucket Percussionist” at your local train stop
- Get jacked by lifting the tub non-stop → get un-jacked by eating everything in it
- Subdue a home invader
- Make the biggest-ever plate of infused mac ‘n cheese for all your stoner friends
Quantity over quality is the name of the Costco game, so this "drop" shouldn’t be too much of a surprise. But we can’t help ourselves — 27 pounds is truly buck! Aunt Annie — Jah bless her soul — is probably rolling around in her grave.