For most women, “Aunt Flo’s monthly visit” is something to be suffered silently and privately—just like our Puritanical forefathers would have wanted.
But fuck that. Adding some canna-bliss to the monthly horror movie in your pants can be just the cure for your blood-blues. Medicating with this magical herb can help turn your menstruating into celebrating. (OK, maybe not “Whooo! It’s my period!” celebrating, but more like, “I don’t feel like I’m getting scooped out with a melon-baller anymore” kind of celebrating.)
Women have used this plant for centuries to help with their lady-pains—even sassy old Queen Victoria was a fan of using the bud during her monthly bleeds. For a brief “period” (if you will), women used DYSMENINE for feminine ailments—a liquid medicine that was chock full of good old fashioned weeeeed.
These days, ladies can smoke, vape, eat, apply a salve, or even stick cannabis directly in their vagina. There is a whole new world of weed products designed with the bleeding lady in mind. For instance, Foria Relief, a vaginal cannabis-infused suppository, can take away your cramps and menstrual pain so you can focus on other things, like kicking ass and taking names. Weed helps with more than just pain management; all that THC will induce enough euphoria to turn your hormonal Cathy-cartoon-crankiness into Garfield cool-cat-ness.
Although women only bleed for a few days, the menstrual cycle—like the cycles of the moon—is always happening. In Miranda Gray’s trippy book Red Moon, this lady-cycle is seen as something magical: “For our ancestors the menstrual cycle was a source of wonderful creative, spiritual, sexual, emotional, mental, and physical energies. It was a gift that empowered women to renew themselves each month, to manifest and create the world around them, to connect deeply with the land and their family, and to express deep wisdom and inspiration.” Sounds like a lot more witchy fun than crying into a slice of pizza.
Every gal’s cycle affects them differently, and the best way to learn about it is to track it like Harriet the Period Spy. There are several handy period tracking apps out there that can help you understand how your cyclical changes in hormone levels can affect your daily life. (My favorite is Hormone Horoscope because it’s a horoscope, and horoscopes are always fun.) The best part of a cycle tracker is having the superpower to know when to stock up on weed, snacks, and comfortable pants.
If you’re using cannabis and still experiencing nightmare cramps, consider ditching your tampons. (Tampons? What is this, the ’90s?) Tampons are known to worsen cramps and cause crazy health problems like toxic shock syndrome (TSS). Menstrual cups, washable hemp cloth pads, and period panties (like Dear Kate and THINX) are healthier and more eco-friendly options. Although these products may seem initially pricier than a box of tampons, they will end up saving you green in the long run since they are all reusable.
Cannabis has been shown to be great for a whole host of lady problems beyond period pain, including dysuria (painful peeing), hyperemesis gravidarum (really bad morning sickness), and menopausal symptoms. And, oh yeah, guys like it too.
Next time you’re thinking of buying a bouquet of flowers for that special woman in your life, consider purchasing a bouquet of weed for her instead. That woman will THANK YOU. I know I would.