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The Craziest Stoner Desserts at Chain Restaurants

Your sweet tooth is just aching for these.

by Brenden Gallagher

by Brenden Gallagher

When the munchies hit, you have choices. If you’re trying to get in shape, you’ll likely pass on fast food stoner classics in favor of something healthy. But sometimes you crave the kind of indulgent sweets that keep dentists in business. Thankfully restaurant franchises across the country have you covered in your times of need. Here are some of the wildest, most damaging, most delicious desserts being cooked up at chain restaurants.

Pop Tart Ice Cream Sandwich

Sold at: Carl’s Jr.

When a real-life restaurant starts selling the kind of shit you come up with when you’re putting off grocery shopping, it’s a magical thing. Combining America’s most deliciously artificial breakfast item with vanilla ice cream is the kind of move that might just convince even skeptics to actually go to Carl’s Jr.

Cinnabon Delights

Sold at: Taco Bell

Because Taco Bell has pushed them so hard, these treats have become commonplace, but putting icing INSIDE the cinnamon roll is a pretty postmodern idea. Just a small example of how outside-the-box thinking can change the game.

Tennessee Whiskey Cake

Sold at: T.G.I. Friday’s

What would be a pretty tame toffee cake becomes something pretty unique in the hands of T.G.I. Friday’s dessert scientists. By dousing the cake in Jack Daniels Whiskey sauce and serving it in a bowl, this dish tests the boundaries between solid and liquid. It’s half science experiment, half mass market fast casual chain restaurant dessert.

Crackerjack Banana Cheesecake

Sold at: Applebee’s

“Remember that snack you ate once at a minor league baseball game? What if we put that shit on a cheesecake?” Rhetorical question, obviously.

Towering D’oh Ring

Sold at: Red Robin

This one is more about presentation than the actual dessert itself, but in case you didn’t know that you can get a tower of donuts at Red Robin, we’re here to tell you that you can get a tower of donuts at Red Robin.

Brookie Sundae Tower

Sold at: Dave and Buster’s

We live in the golden age of the dessert tower and it is glorious. Next time you are at the grown-ass man’s Chuck E. Cheese, take a break from playing skee ball to chow down on the ice cream + cookie + brownie in tower form.

Brownie and Cookie Dough Madness Master Blast

Sold at: Sonic

In the arms race between DQ Blizzards and McDonald’s McFlurry, Sonic has unleashed its own salvo: the Master Blast (registered trademark, so don’t get any ideas). In the quest to put as many sugary morsels in a milkshake as possible, these drinks may soon reach a point where they are undrinkable. And that might just be a beautiful thing.

Dessert Shooters

Sold at: Hooters

Only a place like Hooters, with its particular appeal (boobies), could pass off assorted puddings in shot glasses served on a plastic surfboard as “shooters.” But it can and does. And lest we forget, boobies.

Fudge-Dipped Cheesecake on a Stick

Sold at: White Castle

There’s nothing quite as American as putting foods on sticks. Next time you stop by White Castle for a suitcase of burgers, do your patriotic duty and pick up a damn cheesecake on a stick.

Banana Spring Rolls

Sold at: P.F. Chang’s

Fried spring rolls for dessert! Hell yeah!


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Brenden Gallagher

Brenden Gallagher works in television and writing in Los Angeles. He worked on Revenge, Heartbeat, and Famous in Love. His writing has appeared at Complex, VH1, and MERRY JANE. Follow him on Twitter @muddycreekU



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