CULTURE
Trump Jr. Denies RNC Speech Cocaine Rumors, Blames the "Lighting” for Looking Drugged
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Junior also mocked Hunter Biden’s addiction issues after the RNC’s disinformation-fest that covered everything from COVID to cannabis.
Published on August 28, 2020

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Anyone who endured even a few moments of Donald Trump Jr. ranting at this week’s Republican National Convention witnessed an insufferabe amped-up barrage of bloviation from a twitchy, sweaty, red-faced, glassy-eyed Patrick Bateman wannabe.

In short, Daddy’s bombastic boy came off in a manner unmistakably suggestive of someone who recently inhaled the go-to fuel of the douchebag world: Cocaine.

The Internet obviously noticed. Everyone did! Well, anyone who’s ever been in the presence of a coked-up asshole, including Stephen Colbert.

“It was [Junior’s] keynote address, in that he looked like he had snorted a key," Colbert said on The Late Show. “So before I tell you what he said, can we zoom in on Junior's sweaty face and wet, bloodshot eyes? Either he’s high or that's what happens when you live in the splash zone of Screamin' Guilfoyle. Just bring a poncho!"

Later appearing on FoxNews (where else?!), Junior denied snorting anything white, dry, and dangerous — which are three great adjectives to describe the RNC. After Fox & Friends host Steve Doocy mentioned Little Don’s big sniff energy, the spray-on-bearded scion of smugness simply scoffed it off.

“I guess there must have been something with the lighting,” Junior huffed, while throwing his hands around and still very much looking like he’d just hopped off a powdery ski lift (if you catch our drift).

“They started doing this trending thing — ‘Donald Trump Jr.’s on Cocaine!’,” he continued. “When they can’t attack the delivery, when they can’t attack the substance, they gotta attack something. I said no, no, no — you must have me confused with Hunter Biden.” 

That last low blow is a reference to the openly acknowledged addiction struggles of Joe Biden’s son. Junior was apparently so tickled by that typical display of (his dim) wit, even though he used it the previous day on Twitter.

Elsewhere at the RNC disinformation shitshow, marijuana naturally came up for a Big Lie makeover.

When a reporter asked if there was “a place in the GOP for folks who support medical marijuana,” RNC Chair Ronna McDaniel replied, “I don’t really address policy issues like medical marijuana. That’s left up to the states and there’s going to be variances between states, but that’s not something that the RNC puts forward as policy, that’s a legislative issue.”

It was a rare, relatively subdued moment. McDaniel dodged the true intent of the question, but at least she didn’t Exorcist-scream her response.

More indicative of the willful idiocy and toxic dishonesty on display this week was the glazed scare speech by Natalie Sharp, an advisory board member for Trump’s 2020 reelection team.

“Democrats love to talk about health care being a human right, but a right to what?” Sharp chirped. “Well, I’ll tell you. To them, it’s a right to marijuana, opioids, and the right to die with dignity.”

Let’s focus now on living with dignity by escaping the fascist terrordome previewed this week by the RNC. Vote against Donald Trump in November.

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Mike McPadden
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Mike McPadden is the author of "Heavy Metal Movies" and the upcoming "Last American Virgins." He writes about movies, music, and crime in Chicago. Twitter @mcbeardo
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