Why, hello there, traveller! I know I spooked you for Halloween earlier in the month, but I’m not going to do that again. I’ve got an appetite for candy and I’m not just talking about the eye candy that I normally dish out.
Maybe you don’t know what I’m talking about. Maybe you stumbled here after reading about more pressing, political matters, like this haunting piece about how the odds of federal cannabis legalization are a long shot, or this scary-funny assemblage of the dumbest things Gary Johnson and Jill Stein have said and done. Or, you’re here for some “Whoa.” In case you haven’t heard, this is my weekly offering to MERRY JANE for all kinds of trippy gifs and graphics to get you through the weekend.
Back to the candy. Though I don’t personally give out treats—I’m the person who gives out mini boxes of raisins—I do enjoy sweets. And, with this being the Halloweekend, I simply can’t resist! Now, onto the cavity-inducing trippiness.
Let’s get one thing straight. This is how you open a Hershey’s Kiss:
Some separate their candies by color….
Others combine their candies in sick experiments like this:
(That’s the world’s largest gummy bear, dropped in potassium chlorate. Pretty small for the “world’s largest,” if you ask me. Surely we can do bigger and better.) Personally, I prefer to blend all of my candy bars and put them on a turntable.
Or consume them like a civilized human being!
Luckily, all of my sweets are infinitely replenished, so it doesn’t matter how I consume them.
I used to give children this Japanese Gummy Tsureta but it’s not the most portable candy….
While we’re talking about candy, the cotton varietal counts, right? It doesn’t? It’s a totally different thing? Let me spit this out then.
And just like a rock star, it’s in my rider with MJ to have this black hole filled with M&Ms.
And a roaring fire made of candy corn flames.
(Yes, I like candy corn. I also like Hawaiian pizza. Nobody’s perfect!) ANYWAY, back to the hoards of candy!
And, at last, this extremely essential gif of my dear friend and “Whoa” colleague, David S. Pumpkins: