article image

Super High Score: Top 10 Science Videos

We've all been there. Stoned beyond human recognition only to stumble across a YouTube video that's so overwhelming, you can almost feel your brain leaking out of your head.

by Zeus Tipado

by Zeus Tipado

You have to be a really inexperienced novice to freak out when you're stoned. We all have those friends though, the ones that ask to smoke your bud after they ignore your faint warnings that it's really strong. As they inhale your stash you can almost see the inner-workings of their brain begin to lose control over their grasp of reality and within minutes they're in full panic mode, running around your apartment like an infantile wildebeest.

Some people would call it a bad trip, but that's such a dismissive term for something far more deep. The real problem is the sudden awareness of the infinite -- that's the mysterium tremendum Mircea Eliade talks about in The Sacred and the Profane. It's the daemonic dread that Rudolph Otto mentions in The Idea of the Holy. Infinity is far too much for the brain to handle, especially when you're under the influence of some of the most remarkable buds humankind has to offer.

We never would suggest for anyone to gourge themselves on science videos in order to have an epic nervous breakdown, but if that's how you want to spend your weekend, then my god do we have the list for you. Check out MERRY JANE's Ten Scientific Theories That Will Freak You Out If You're Stoned.

Time Cube theory creator Gene Ray has offered $10,000 to any academic (and only academics) that can disprove his theory. Well I'm offering $20,000 to anyone that can understand what the hell a Time Cube is.

The anchor point of Gene Ray's Time Cube is that you're an idiot if you don't understand Time Cube. There is no other option. If you agree to listen to Gene Ray talk about his theory, then you must also agree to immediately understand every word he slams into your ear drum. Gene Ray has also awarded himself a 'Doctorate of Cubicism' since everyone else is too stupid and evil to 'bestow the prestigious honor of wisdom upon the wisest human ever.'

To prevent you guys from having a nervous breakdown, I'll keep the description of Time Cube brief. As far as the nervous breakdown, Gene Ray's sense of logic will handle that. Before including this on the list, I couldn't stop convulsing in laughter on my crumb-covered bedroom floor at the evidence Gene Ray uses on his website (which closed in 2015) to justify his ubiquitous claim that there are four simultaneous days inside of one 'normal' day. Here, take a look at this statement from the man himself.

I mean how can you deny it? It's the most scientifically sound statement that's been uttered this decade. Only an educated stupid fool would see otherwise.

Gene Ray goes on to say that civilization is collapsing by not accepting his cube-centric principle. He then provides evidence to support his statement by suggesting that since there are no humans without belly buttons, every person is a liar. What's wrong stupid ass, you didn't know a human belly button and the flow of time and space are connected? Idiot.

Oh, and this.

If you don't understand the Time Cube, Gene Ray wants to execute you -- but let's face it, why would you want to live in a world when you're the only whacko that believes Earth only has one day every day?

Still don't quite understand? Then watch Ray's 2003 'Unscrewed with Martin Sargent' interview from TechTV.

Alright, so it's not so much a scientific theory as it is 'My god we are so infinitely small in this universe' moment. There's nothing quite like looking up in the night sky and realizing how insignificant you are in the entire grand scheme of everything. If you're an egomaniac then this doesn't apply to you, your significance is immense in the universe and I apologize for even daring to question your authority in existence.

In the rare case that your ego is the size of a third-world country, you probably still believe that this planet is the center of the solar system and everything revolves directly around your wonderful head. Well this trippy time lapse of our galaxy from Borrego Springs, California is only going to make your head exponentially expand.

Science hasn't found an energy source above rocket fuel to power a shuttle through space, but even if we did, the Andromeda Galaxy (our next door neighbor) is 2.5 million light years away. Fossil fuels aren't going to push humanity to the speed of light, and if by some strange occurrence it did, theoretically we could never go as fast as the speed of light, but onlyapproach it. The fact still remains, it would take 2.5 million years to get to our nearest galaxy going as fast as mathematically possible, and who has an attention span long enough for that? Maybe when we're half-way there we lose interest in the Andromeda Galaxy and make a u-turn back to our Milky Way. Since the light we see of Andromeda is 2.5 million years old, for all we know Galactus could have consumed every star system in that galaxy in order to prepare for his role in the third Avengers movie.

The only way we could effectively travel through the universe is to fold space so that Point A will no longer be so far from Point B. Of course that would require some form of wormhole technology to bend time and space into our convenience -- I'm sure Google is working on it. Driverless warp-engine equipped space ships. Wait for it.

Since that technology doesn't exist in this interval of time we're currently in, the only feasible way to explore our universe is with a hearty dose of DMT, or by allowing your mind to transform into putty and watch The Detailed Universe, a visual expansion from nano-meters to entire everythings being combined into one everything.

If a whacko like Gene Ray can make our list, then the world's greatest ethnobotanist can easily come in at number 7. Sure what Terence McKenna says isn't necessarily considered science, but what is 'science' truly? McKenna was the author of a theory he coined 'Timewave Zero,' and that was sort of scientific. He's also written 'Invisible Landscape,' an account of when his brother took an enormous amount of psychedelics in South America and developed a theory to shift the resonance of our dimension through loud humming.

The reality is if you haven't listened to Terence McKenna stoned then you've basically wasted your life on Earth up until the point in which you click play on the YouTube video below. No one will ever believe anything you have to say until you can quote Terence McKenna while being under the influence of your favorite marijuana strain.

Without Terence McKenna, the world would have never known about self-transforming machine elves, or even know of half the authors that are quoted in semi-intellectual stoner circles. McKenna's delicately articulate voice and his superhuman-like grasp on the English lexicon makes listening to him breakdown a DMT trip almost ecstatic, if you're into those sort of adjectives.

Everything McKenna says could be scientifically true, but we just don't know enough to even begin to disprove it. That's the charm of Terence, he launches grandiose psychedelic ideas at your mind and then relies on you to fill out the rest. That's the responsibility you'll have after listening to McKenna lecture while stoned.

I'm actually the author of the biggest time-traveling message board thread on the internet, and I'm so proud of it that I occasionally put it on my resume whenever I feel the need to make my employer's skull erupt in a fiery cloud of awesome. There's another theory that I can call my own, and hopefully history will remember that I thought of it first -- otherwise screw you history, you're a waste of time.

On a long enough time span humanity will kill the planet we inhabit. In order to continue our species, we'll most likely live inside some gargantuan ship that would be able to sustain itself as it floats in space, in hopes of landing on an inhabitable planet. Therefore in the meantime, humans are in stasis while they experience the simulation of 'life' using the omnipotent on-board computer that generations of humans created over thousands of years.

Another version of my theory goes that at some point in the distant future, humanity discovered that living life normally is pretty futile, so at a certain age one could place their body inside some bio-chemical machine that would interface with their brain and run a 'life' program that would enable a person to live an entire virtual lifetime in a fraction of a second of their 'real' lifetime. It would be the closest thing humanity can get to immortality, and if this is the case then there's a good chance that the life you're living in now is just a simulation. You're in a simulation, right now -- everyone you've ever met was a computer program, including your mother. They're all non-playable characters, and you've been in solo-campaign mode your entire life. Enjoy it.

I'm not sure how strong my theory would hold when held up to all those other nutty ideas you read on the internet, but at least mine was developed while being inhumanely stoned. The truth is we still don't know if we're real, and this video is bound to have you question your own pothead existence.

Princeton graduate Nicholas Meyler invented the term 'infinite dimensions' based on Occam's razor, which essentially dictates that if science and math tend towards infinity then it would be against the law of parsimony that the number of dimensions in existence be a finite number. However we now know that mathematically that's not the case, we only get a lousy ten dimensions in our reality (or any other reality), bummer.

At least that's what Rob Bryanton states in his 10th Dimension video series on YouTube, and if you can make it through all ten dimensions without ripping out your eyes in fear, then you haven't smoked enough weed.

If you have an IQ over a warm crab leg then you're familiar with the concept of the first three dimensions, especially the one we're in now, the third dimension. For those that have seen Donnie Darko, then you're also familiar with how the 4th dimension would be represented -- sort of a giant tube emerging from your torso showing you where you've traveled, indicative of time. However, any dimension beyond that and you're probably just grasping at straws, extra-dimensional straws that can only be understood by watching Rob Bryanton break down the concept of all ten dimensions. Heads up, if you're stoned while watching this, MERRY JANE is not responsible from death by astonishment

In 1992 Doomsday killed Superman through a complete skull-to-concrete thrashing of downtown Metropolis. Actually they both died, but Superman was magically resurrected into four Supermans, one being Shaquille O'Neal in one of the most slept on superhero movies of the 90s, Steel. One of the newly-resurrected Supermans strapped Doomsday's corpse to an asteroid and flung him into space on a trajectory that wouldn't intersect with any planet. The asteroid was eventually found by space pirates and Doomsday came back to life only to decimate them, along with every inhabitant in a neighboring planet. Things looked pretty bleak for the DC Universe, so the Justice League of America got together and realized the only way to truly kill Doomsday was to leave him stranded at the end of time. Yes, entropy was the only thing that could kill Doomsday -- and eventually it will end time.

Time will end one day, and it may not even be a day due to the stars in every available solar system burning out. When time does end, the universe will be a boring place due to all energy reaching equilibrium -- but is it possible to give a time for the end of time? It's a cognitive paradox; the measurement is the measurement that's being measured. I can't even think of an equivalent to this conundrum because it's just so damn weird.

If/when time does end, in what way would we verify its death? Time ceasing to exist represents an end to a system that's widely thought to be infinite -- it would be like someone discovering that with a big enough calculator, pi actually runs out of decimal places.

It's a dangerous topic in science, and Cosmic Journeys decided to explore this concept in their documentary 'When Will Time End?' It's filled with colossally heady information that will be more meaningful if you disseminate it while stoned. Keep in mind that they're talking about the end of everything, so don't blame me when you grasp your hair and run out of your office screaming.

Oh, and the exact date of the end of time? According to Stephen Hawking, it's 10 to the hundredth years from now -- which is also known as a 'Google.' That's right, Google will be the death of everything.

I first read about the Holographic Universe theory in a book appropriately titled 'The Holographic Universe' written by Michael Talbot on a Greyhound bus from Dallas, TX to Tucson, AZ. I didn't have the money at the time to score a cheap flight, so I had to go with the most affordable traveling option -- share an iron box with people that were too broke to care. Fortunately most of the passengers were armed with copious amounts of marijuana, which seemed to go well with The Holographic Universe. If you're going to read a book about our reality originating from a projection in a far-off dimension, you want to do it stoned and in the middle of a desert outside of El Paso.

The Holographic Universe states that everything we interact with, the chair you're sitting in, the phone you may be holding, even the blood-shot eyes you're using to read this is merely a projection from a two-dimensional plane of existence that Talbot calls the 'Holographic.'

With actual holographic film (the stuff your 'foil' collectible trading cards were made out of), if you view an image and then cut that film in half, all information stored on the original 'whole' film is duplicated in both films, but with a slight degradation of quality. This works indefinitely, so theoretically if you have a holographic film that's infinite in size, and on this holographic film of infinite size you print all things in existence (and all things we can't imagine would be in existence), then cut that infinitely large film into infinite smaller parts, then cut those parts into even more infinite parts, each part would store the same amount of data, which is infinity.

Wait, don't get too freaked out yet -- watch this documentary and then be paralyzed in awe at the Holographic Theory.

I was first exposed to Mandelbulb after an astronomically long night in Hollywood when my friend Pat threw these YouTube videos up and began to tell me that everything I've done in my life was bullshit for the sole reason that something like this existed.

At first I didn't quite understand him, it really was a long night, but after ingesting a heroic dose of sativa, it all made sense -- and that was the scary part.

A Manbelbulb is a 3D representation of a Mandelbrot -- a mathematical equation in which the result goes towards infinity. If I played less POGs and didn't draw picture-perfect Nike logos in junior high math class then I would be able to explain the concept of fractals better. However, Mandelbrot fractals are visual representations of infinities, to be more specific infinite infinities. If you had a microscope powerful enough to zoom in 2,000x on a fractal, the complexity of what's seen would still be infinite, in fact the microscopic depth would be virtually impossible to discern from the full-sized image. While this is extraordinarily mind bursting, Mandelbrots were only 2D depictions of infinite infinities -- that is until Mandelbulbs came along.

Now we know what the infinite looks like when applied to the dimension we all inhabit, and it will undoubtedly remind you of that time in college when you thought taking an entire sheet of blotter acid was a good idea.

You better plug your ears and nose up before you watch these videos, folks. We don't want you brain leaking out of your head.

Still want more? Check this one out.

"Zero is powerful because it is infinity's twin. They are equal and opposite, yin and yang. They are equally paradoxical and troubling. The biggest questions in science and religion are about nothingness and eternity, the void and the infinite, zero and infinity."

Those are the first words you read when this micro-doc by Rob Bryanton starts to play, and if you haven't already fled to a corner in your room after reading it, then you're sure to freak yourself out by watching his new 'Imagining the Zeroth Dimension.' In a previous video we watched the mind bending properties of conceptualizing all 10 dimensions in our reality, but Bryanton decided to make our brains implode even further by telling us exactly what a zero dimension would be like -- and if you follow every word uttered in the video, it's not that confusing. When you get to the point in which Bryanton says 'It's 1, but a big 1' and logically it makes complete sense to you, then you're on your way. In 'Imagining The Zeroth Dimension' Rob Bryanton essentially tells us that it's impossible to conceive of a zero dimension, and then he eloquently explains if there is a zero dimension, it would somehow encompass nearly everything in existence, but if one item is removed, it transforms value. Imagine if you took every number and then took the negative of every number and combined them -- the value would be zero. Therefore in a universal perspective if you took matter and anti-matter, all universes and every inverse of those universes and combined them, the value would be zero. So in essence, zero is everything, and it's also nothing. Yeah, marinate on that.


avatar

Published on

Zeus Tipado

Zeus Tipado is the creator of The Stoned Gamer, producer, and developer out of Los Angeles. He holds a B.A. in Psychology from the University of Arizona, and a M.A. in Media Theory from the University of South Wales in the UK. He is also the creator of MiddleEasy and a former writer for High Times Magazine. You can find Zeus on Twitter @tipado and while you're at it, follow The Stoned Gamer at @tsgtwt on Twitter and @instastonedgamer on Instagram.



Comments

avatar


I'm looking for
I'm looking for

Articles

Goods

Dispensaries