Lead illustration by Heather Benjamin
Welcome back to Stoned Sex, the column where I’ll be exploring the intersection of sex and sativas, intercourse and indicas, often through first-hand experience and interviews with experts.
For this week’s edition, we’ll look at how cannabis and psychedelics impact jealousy in a threesome dynamic. Stoned Sex runs every other week, so make sure to stay tuned for the next dose.
I held my partner, Alex, as my boyfriend fucked her. We were all stoned to high heavens on 10mg edibles and several rounds of shared joints. I was completely in the moment. I felt a deep connection to both of them. There was no jealousy, just the perverted joy of watching her take that dick. It was a perfect stoned threesome.
But you know what happens next… It turned out that he was one of those ethically non-monogamous guys who is only good at the non-monogamy part and did not appreciate being called out when I discovered my sexual health could be at risk. I don’t play that game. I wish I could tell you what happened with the woman, who I was kind of starting to fall for, but she ghosted me. Sometimes life comes at you fast!
Psychedelics can be a tool to help get the love flowing between a couple. They awaken the senses, especially physical touch. But they also create a heightened sense of awareness, compassion, and awe — states of consciousness that facilitate empathy and love. It’s no wonder MDMA and other psychedelics have been used in couple’s therapy since the late ‘70s. They enhance interconnectedness, which is why psychedelics-assisted therapy is effective — and potentially about to become a legal medical practice.
Cannabis is far from the only mind-altering drug that reminds humans it’s fun to fuck more than one person at a time. But is it possible to use psychedelics to make threesomes feel better, flow easier, and prevent a crash from hell?
Yes, it is. But here’s what you need to know.
Psychedelics Enhance Physical Sensation
We’ve all heard that MDMA enhances physical touch — and its reputation for doing so is warranted. “The physical sensation was absolutely out of this world,” said Ashley Manta, an award-winning sexpert and the founder of Cannasexual, about a New Year’s threesome with her boyfriend and his lover, which was heightened by MDMA. “Fabrics felt really cool. We got to play with fishnets, and soft and scratchy fabrics. We’re all sensualists so we bought a suitcase full of implements — from music and lights to [tools for] spanking and flogging.”
Despite molly’s reputation as a sex drug, Manta says that having a threesome on shrooms felt even better physically. That said, she prefers shroom tea to downing an eighth of caps and stems because there are fewer gastro-intestinal symptoms with the former, which can be a huge buzzkill to a sexual experience.
“I found doing mushroom tea is infinitely easier on my stomach,” Manta said. “So, that night [of my first shroom threesome] I was running back and forth to the bathroom having some GI issues which did take away from the experience a little bit. Once I discovered mushroom tea, that never happened again. I did another threesome on my birthday last year on mushrooms and that was way, way, better because we did the tea.”
Psychedelics Can Increase Intimacy
Having your nipples bitten by two people at the same time is something everyone should experience at least once in life. But if you can do this while all of you are on psychedelics, consider yourself one of the lucky ones. For a threesome to be enjoyable, all parties need to vibe. Otherwise, jealousy and insecurity can sabotage a moment — and, at worst— a relationship.
Psychedelics have a way of putting things into perspective and helping you stay in the present moment. After one tab of LSD, the 10 pounds you’ve been stressing over seem completely insignificant compared to how gargantuan the world is. And it makes you realize that your partner truly loves you. The petty, obsessive, everyday jealous thoughts of exes and coworkers and fears of inadequacy have a way of shedding like snake skin.
Sara (last name withheld at her request) from San Francisco, says that taking MDMA before a threesome not only helped her bond emotionally (and physically) with two other women — but she even ended up dating one. “MDMA is ridiculously fun,” she said. “It makes everything feel so, so, so good.”
Recalling her divine shroom experience, Manta adds that psychedelics can combat feelings of jealousy or insecurity that may arise during a ménage à trois, while also encouraging love and affection.
“The way I like to describe it is that I feel like it’s easier to be myself on mushrooms. I feel so totally comfortable with who I am,” Manta said. “I feel just like this giant vibrating glow of love and joy. I’m very complimentary when I’m on mushrooms. I may even air on the side of gushing about how great I think you are.”
In addition to increasing the pleasantness of touch, research suggests that MDMA can increase the experience of positive social interactions, by making everything seem, well, beautiful. Your sexual partners aren’t annoying, you actually appreciate them for their unique human expression, their inner child, and their art-inspiring genitals. Likewise, cannabis reduces negative bias in emotional processes, basically helping us see things from a glass-half-full perspective. Psilocybin also increases emotional connection. It can make you fall in love faster by facilitating deep emotions that make you feel like you’ve known someone for 10 years, even though you’ve only known them for a month. So, watch out. If you have a threesome on psychedelics, you might just fall in love.
Take Precaution: What Goes Up Must Come Down
For those six blissful hours, love might be the only thing on your mind. But when black Monday or “suicide Tuesday” rolls around, you might fall down — hard. Forget the psychedelics! Sex is an alterted state, especially when having a threesome. Have you ever had a night of mind blowing sex, which ended in orgasmic bliss, only to wake up the next day in a panic wondering what you’ve done and what will happen next? Your risk for such anxiety increases tenfold when you add another person and a psychedelic substance to the equation.
“Threesomes are really for advanced players, not for people who are just stumbling unconsciously into an experience,” Manta said. “It’s so important to have a ton of communication before, during, and after. Especially after using psychedelics.”
There’s not much research regarding cannabis hangovers, but we know they can cause brain fog and maybe a headache. While psilocybin, like cannabis, is very safe, it does raise serotonin levels. So, the comedown can leave you feeling depleted and disoriented. MDMA, on the other hand, often causes hangover effects two days after consumption, hence the expression “suicide Tuesdays.” This is due to an increase — then decrease — in serotonin. So, say, you were really into watching your boyfriend have sex with another woman during a threesome, come Tuesday, don’t be surprised if you want to die a little bit. Sexy, right?
So, how can you mitigate such a comedown? To start, do your research and know what to expect. Before you start the threesome, and before you take substances, talk to everyone involved and set clear boundaries from a sober state of mind. “Altered states of consciousness need a clear consent conversation in advance so that you have a thorough understanding of the landscape at this point,” Manta said. “Explore who is up for what, [discuss] safer sex protocols, and all of those kinds of things.”
And it’s not just the sex that you need protection for. Relax knowing that your drugs are clean with an at-home testing kit from DanceSafe or another like-minded group. Safety is sexy!
A “trip sitter,” or a sober friend to hang out during your trip, is often advised. Granted, having a trip sitter around to soberly watch your threesome, reminding everyone to hydrate, might be a bit more difficult. That is, unless you have a trusted friend who is also a voyeur — in which case, congrats to you for having great friends who align with your kinks.
A psychedelic threesome very well may be the best sexual experience of your life, but don’t expect it to be a casual encounter. They are physically, emotionally, and mentally intense — for better or worse.
Here’s Manta’s recipe for working your way up to one:
“Threesomes on psychedelics aren’t for beginners; threesomes aren’t for beginners,” she said. “If you’re going to do an order of operation, this is what it should be: Have awesome solo sex, then have solo sex on a psychedelic, then have a really successful threesome, and then have a really successful threesome on psychedelics — in that order.”
As they say: Buy the ticket, and take the ride. You may experience kaleidoscopic orgasms and fall in love. But, beware that come Tuesday, you may be staring into the vast expanse of an Excel spreadsheet wondering why the fuck you let bae go down on that hot Burner chick — and if he got her number.
