Lead illustration by Heather Benjamin
Welcome back to Stoned Sex, the column where I’ll be exploring the intersection of sex and sativas, intercourse and indicas, often through first-hand experience and interviews with experts.
For this week’s edition, we'll dissect the ways weed can enhance rough sex for you and your partner. Stoned Sex runs every other week, so make sure to stay tuned for the next dose.
Rough sex can be healing. The bedroom is a safe space to act out your difficult emotions — even your trauma. While I would never allow someone to slap me or call me a slut in real life, in a rough sex scene with my partner, it’s such a rush that it gets me off. It also facilitates bonding, as I know I can be my freakiest, weirdest self and it’s met with love and a boner rather than judgement.
Sometimes when I’m stoned, all I want to do is act bratty towards my boyfriend until he ties me up puts me in his place by dicking me down like the dom that he is. Rough sex puts me into sub space, or a heady, euphoric state submissives experience after a scene. I say he puts me in his place because that sounds hot as hell, but truthfully, sometimes a good pounding can make you realize that your worries aren’t so big of a problem after all. Good dick gives perspective.
Sex is a drug, especially kinky sex, as it causes the body to flood with endorphins and dopamine. But, I’m an exceptionally good stoned sub. I can take consensual pain, and come up with creative dirty talk and role-playing ideas. For instance, maybe I am a very bad girl and I need a doctor to examine me and then teach me how to make love. Is that disgusting? Yes, but that’s the point.
I know I’m not the only stoner who likes it rough. However, before we all light up to get down hard — keep in mind that cannabis may impair rough sex for some, despite being a wonder drug. But, how and why does weed make rough sex better? And what do you need to know before getting into it, such as consent practices?
Keep reading, friends — and try to control your boner if you’re at work.
Cannabis Makes Rough Sex Feel Physically Better
No shocker here. Cannabis lowers sexual pain without numbing you out, making it easer to get rough. “I connect with my breathing more and my whole body relaxes which makes taking any kind of pain from spanking or slapping way easier,” said Cory B, 23, who’s a sex educator, kink coach, and cannabis advocate. “I don’t tense up and I’m able to visualize the pain running through the rest of my body which makes it easier and more enjoyable to take.”
Cannabis is also a cannabis vasodilator, meaning it increases blood flow. So, ingesting cannabis prior to sex can increase orgasms and make your genitals throb. In fact, the green angel not only enhances your physical senses, but especially in larger doses or edibles, it can blur the senses. So, when the dominant partner tells you that you’re a good girl, you don’t just feel that in your pussy, you really feel it in your pussy. You know how being super stoned at a concert can make you see music in the lighting and feel the pulsations in your body? During rough, stoned sex, you may feel dirty talk in your body as intensely as a vibrator pressed against your clit.
Cannabis Enhances the Mental Aspect of Rough Sex
We’re learning a lot about cannabis, but one of THC’s OG properties remains king: It lowers inhibitions. So, if you want to be spit on, but always feel too timid to ask, try smoking a doobie before daddy dicks you down. Everyone’s tolerance levels are different. A 20mg edible is perfect for me before rough sex, but if you’re new to cannabis or have a lower tolerance, start with a few hits or (clean) vape puffs or a 5mg edible. You can always take more!
One of the reasons why creatives are so drawn to cannabis — other than the euphoria, of course — is that it increases divergent thinking. Divergent thinking is when the brain connects seemingly unrelated ideas. It’s great for brainstorming your next writing session, but it’s also great for biting someone’s thighs and then realizing now is the perfect time to hogtie them. Yes, conservatives, cannabis can be the devil’s weed — that’s why we fucking love it. And, the plant loves us back, facilitating emotional connection between pervy play pairs (or trios, or quads, or orgies).
“I find myself being more emotionally in tune with my play partners while using cannabis,” said Ray, a 28-year-old bisexual man from Brooklyn. Rough and kinky sex requires trust. Cannabis can facilitate that trust between a couple by reducing negative bias, or helping you see the glass half full. What’s in that glass? Honestly, probably sweat and other bodily fluids that let you know you can trust your perverted partner so much that you can have epically rough sex and know that it’s still love making.
While cannabis is a very safe substance, any intoxicant can affect your ability to give consent. Talk to your partner, know your tolerance levels, and create safe words, or even safe signals, prior to engaging in play. For instance, your safe word might be “pineapple,” but you can’t say that if you’re wearing a ball gag. So, your safe signal may be three taps on your dom’s leg.
“Creating a way to communicate in case your words are not enough can be extremely helpful,” said sexuality educator and trauma specialist Jimanekia Eborn. “Consent should be checked in within each new act especially if your mindset is altered because the alteration can change over time. Things that you may enjoy sober you may not enjoy while consuming cannabis and or vice versa.”
Cannabis Could Be Bad for Rough Sex
Don’t trust anyone who says that cannabis, or a specific type of marijuana (or drug in general), is universally great for anything. We’re all different and every product is going to impact us differently. So far, it appears that the way the plant interacts with our endocannabinoid systems is highly individualized. So, while reefer may go with rough sex like peas and carrots for one person, it could hinder the experience for someone else. Knowing this is helpful. But, as we learn more about various methods of intake, cannabinoids, and terpenes, we need more research on cannabis — plain and simple.
Despite what Reefer Madness wants us to believe, cannabis is calming, and non-violent, and can reduce aggression. This is a good thing. Cannabis is not interested in bar fights. For some, however, chilling the fuck out after lighting up is all that can be done. For John*, a 39-year-old straight man from New York, cannabis inspires couch lock rather than kink.
“Cannabis hinders rough sex for me, which I usually love,” he said. “When I’m high, and my girlfriend instigates rough sex or consensual rape roleplay, I don’t want to tap into my sexual aggression like I usually do.” For John, a glass or two of wine pairs better with rough sex than weed does.
So, will cannabis enhance or hinder your rough sex fantasies? Either is possible. The good news is that unless you have contraindications (such as CHS, schizophrenia, or other conditions weed exacerbates), it’s incredibly safe to experiment with. As always, start low and go slow. The worst thing that can happen is that you feel paranoid (it will go away), or you want to snuggle instead of smashing genitals. Until the government frees the plant and allocates more research money, it’s on us to responsibly test the use of cannabis for rough sex. Now go enjoy some bud and BDSM!