First dates are terrifying, but first Tinder (or, hell, any online dating app) dates are worse. They’re essentially blind dates on ‘roids. Everything is an unvalidated mystery! It’s completely understandable that you’d be looking for ways to chill out. If you’re considering smoking weed to do so, first come to terms with what kind of weed smoker you are. Understand it, embrace it, and let it dictate whether or not you take a hit before heading out. Otherwise, you’re screwed. Need a little more clarity? Here are a few things to consider if you’re thinking about lighting up before your first Tinder date.
1. You’ll forget that you’re online dating and essentially meeting a complete stranger/potential psycho killer.
What’s the point of smoking in the first place? To take the edge off. And why would you need to take the edge off in this situation? Because unlike dating organically—you remember what that is: you smile at each other across a room, exchange numbers, some real romcom shit—online dating carries the added stress of you never actually having met the person you’re already hoping to sleep with. It’s like a blind date, except instead of being set up through friends and guaranteed an IRL human being, you’re basing your entire evening on a fantasy a complete stranger has purported. Thus, instead of living with that paranoia, take a hit so you don’t heed these red flags and talk yourself out of the date before it actually even happens.
2. Your confidence will skyrocket.
Here’s what comes with taking the edge off: erasing your social awkwardness. Being relaxed AF, your charm, charisma, and killer sense of humor will get its moment right off the bat. You didn’t meet your date through friends, you met them online. That means you’ve got no ties to this person, and thus have one chance to make it work or lose the opportunity forever. Don’t be remembered as the shifty, sweaty one who kept pounding shots to kill the tension when you can already come into your date pregamed. You don’t have time to waste exchanging an hour’s worth of mind-numbing pleasantries—smoke weed to fast-track to your best self.
3. You’ll DGAF so hard if the date tanks.
The best part of smoking weed? If your date doesn’t go as planned, it’ll simply roll off your shoulder. For the average casual weed smoker, lighting up means getting rid of anxiety and igniting a sense of positivity in you to get you through the day. How many times has anything ever felt like the end of the world after you’ve smoked a joint? Depending on what kind of weed smoker you are, probably zero. Sure, you talked about the weather the whole time or your date ended up being a 60-year-old creep who can’t live by a public park and not the blonde bombshell you’ve been messaging. At the end of the night, you’ll still have half the joint you left on your coffee table and probably your three roommates to go home to and Netflix with.
1. You’ll fall asleep before it even happens.
Raise your hand if this has ever happened to you. OK, you, you, the person behind you and—ah, screw it, everybody! This happens to the best of us. Some more than others. If you’re in the Some More Than Others category, quit packing that bowl right this second. Otherwise, in about 5 minutes, you’ll wake up to tomorrow’s sunrise and 15 missed calls and texts inquiring if you’re 1) alive 2) real. When your friends ask you how it went, you don’t want to explain you unintentionally ghosted ‘cause herb has the same effect on you as it does on your weirdo Uncle Pat with the insomnia. Know your tolerance.
2. You’ll be paranoid AF.
Smoking weed is not for everybody. If this is you, that’s completely OK. Don’t get suckered into marijuana if you physically can’t reap its benefits, i.e. if you’re the kind of smoker who gets paranoid when they toke. The truth is, for some people, sometimes lighting up amplifies the way you feel, and when you’re about to go on a super-blind date, best believe you’re feeling a lot. Here are just a few things that could happen: every insecurity you’ve got locked away in the corner of your neurotic brain will manifest itself, you’ll talk yourself out of the date, you’ll rationalize the most outrageous catfish scenarios, you’ll spend the date paralyzed by your anxiety or worse, you’ll spend the date berating yourself for being so high. Forego the internal struggle by simply putting the blunt down. It’s that simple. Be honest about what works for you.
3. You’ll have the munchies and turn into a monster.
Aside from being catfished, this is the worst case scenario. Getting hit with a case of the munchies at a fancy restaurant is embarrassing, yes (side note: why would you do this? This isn’t how you play the game! You set yourself up for failure here, homie), but getting it at bar is even worse. You can pace yourself at a white-table establishment, but at a bar all bets are off. Bar food—peanuts, french fries, sliders, brussels sprouts with bacon, chips and salsa, insert-your-fave-here—all these items come out as fast as your cocktail. You can get so lost feeding the beast that you’ll forget the beautiful stranger you were supposed to seduce is a foot across texting their friend about the disgusting nacho cheese that’s been dangling off your chin.