I live in a legal state. How can I casually feel out other mamas on the playground to see if they are down to get high? Not on the playground, but in an after-the-kids-go-to-bed setting. How would you play it off if another mom was horrified by the mention of Mary Jane? I am personally looking forward to the day when happy hours include a puffing patio!
— From one mother to another
Dear Fellow Mom,
I totally get you. And if we lived in the same state, I could definitely see us being fast friends. We could let the kids run around while hanging out on the porch, sharing a vape pen and talking about what we're going to whip up for the school's bake sale.
But in reality, it's tough, because even in states that have legal recreational marijuana, there is still a stigma surrounding the plant, and when you combine it with the trappings of being a mother? It can be really hard to break on through to find fellow moms who are down with Mary Jane.
As I'm sure you know, being a mom is hard. First there's the regular day-to-day actual experience of being a mother. Balancing the home/work balance and ensuring your kids stay happy and healthy.
Then there is the non-stop pressure on moms these days, and the media-fueled notion of the perfect mom hits us at every turn. This is one reason why it can be tricky for many to talk openly about marijuana. Many women don't want to open up what they might perceive as something that could make them look "bad."
However, we also live in a society where the "Two martini playdate" is actually a thing, so anything is possible.
I wish figuring it all out could be as simple as saying to a fellow mom, "Hey. I'm not much of a drinker, but I enjoy unwinding with a couple hits of my favorite Kush strain. How do you relax?" And while that sounds so great and easy breezy in theory, I completely understand how much harder it is to actually implement in real life. There are real concerns. You don't want to feel ostracized or have it ripple effect down to your child.
All that said, I have found that most fellow moms are — at their core — not as judgy as they're made out to be in popular culture. They're either totally down with cannabis and indulge in it as well, or they're ambivalent about it. Very few disapprove in a strong way (and you're probably not going to want to hang out with them anyway!). Of course, some might have very real and legitimate concerns: Would you smoke in front of your kids? Would you drive while high? Would you be high if my daughter was at your house for a playdate?
While you may just want to jump right in, when it comes to any new friend — mom or not — slow and steady wins the race. As you get to know them, you'll have a much better feel if they're into cannabis or not, or just merely neutral. I currently have a few fellow school parents that also like marijuana and we occasionally indulge together. And there are some that know I enjoy cannabis, and we talk about it occasionally, but it's just not for them.
If you have a hunch that a fellow parent might just be up for sharing a joint, you could drop some hints. While watching your kids play together on the jungle gym, you could talk about running errands and throw in a "...and have you seen the new dispensary on Lincoln Ave? It looks pretty chic!" and see how they respond.
Or, you could always go hang out at local dispensaries, and who knows — you just might run into a fellow mom or two!