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Animals That Look Like Stoner Stereotypes

Is your spirit animal is among them?

by Claire Downs

Did these animals get into your stashbox? 'Cause it sure looks like they’re having a great time with your kush. They’re not just the 420-friendliest animals in the kingdom, they must be high out of their minds. If you look at them long enough you realize, maybe they’re just trying to hold a mirror up and show we’re all the same. Because they totally look like every type of smoker we’ve ever met.

The Noob


“Everybody can totally tell I’m so high. OK, just tap your feet. It’s normal to tap your feet, right? Hands on hips. Yep. This is what normal looks like? I think?”

The Connoisseur


Thug Life 🙏 @adidasoriginals

A photo posted by Menswear Dog (@mensweardog) on

This one always has the best weed, and they're not afraid to tell you that their bud is better than yours. They're always dropping cash on the latest in weed technology. Sure, they're kinda douchey, but if you hang around long enough and listen to their grow theories, they'll smoke you out. Sacrifices, y'know?

The Old Hippie


“I met Tipper Gore on a converted school bus in '73 trying to follow The Dead.” OK, man. We get it, you LOVE weed. You’ve ALWAYS loved weed. “But back then, we rolled our joints manually.” We know. Vape pens are only, like, five years old. He’s your local Wayne Coyne, and you’re Miley Cyrus—perpetually hoping his stories will reach Yoda status, but always coming up empty.

The Giggler


You can’t take this friend anywhere. You smoke them up, and then as soon as you get out of the house everything is the most hilarious thing they’ve ever seen. The popcorn machine at the movies? “OMFG.” The cashier at the bodega. “Hahahaha what??” It never ends.

The Philosopher

“Everything we know is a fantasy.” Two puffs and they become Socrates. The Philosopher wants to use the joint circle to have “deep talks” when that might not be everybody’s speed. They ask way too heady questions and everybody just nods as they pontificate. Time to switch them to a coma-inducing indica.

The Paranoid


"Do I smell like weed? Can you smell my clothes? Seriously, smell them. Did I say something stupid? Does the guy I like know? Do you think my boss will fire me tomorrow if I still smell like weed?" The Paranoid is full of questions, and if you’re high too, you have none of the answers. You just wanna chill but this person’s anxiety at an 11.

The Sleeper Smoker

“I only smoke so I can sleep.” This person loves to tell others how the only reason they got that medical card was to help with their crippling insomnia. Smoking with them is ill-advised unless you're a creeper who likes to watch somebody slumber.

The Mooch


“Dude, next run is on me. I swear. I just gotta go to an ATM...once my bank opens one around here.” This smoker never has weed and never has money. They're thirsty for more than cold water; they've got their eyes on your stash and just want to “borrow” a little.

The Artiste

Blunts just make the Artiste wanna create. As soon as the smoke clears, they've got the coloring books and the craft projects out. They aim high for their creations but bail when they gets tired, leaving a trail of crayons and popsicle sticks in their path, never to be cleaned up.

The Brilliant Slacker


A photo posted by Weed Humor (@weedhumor) on

This friend is mildly infuriating, and super fascinating. They wake and bake and somehow still get promoted. They're high-functioning and the things they say while stoned are on a different level.


Published on

Claire Downs is a writer and comedian based out of Los Angeles. She's written for Nickelodeon, VH1, Funny or Die, and Hello Giggles. You can follow her on Twitter @clairecdowns. She prefers Indica to Sativa, in case you're wondering.



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