“Amazon Review: The Musical!” Gets a Burning Sensation From Lube - Culture | MERRY JANE
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“Amazon Review: The Musical!” Gets a Burning Sensation From Lube

Go BTS on “Lube Review Duet,” from the hilarious web-series inspired by earnest product reviews.

by Lauren Maul

by Lauren Maul

All images via Lauren Maul

Last summer, I found myself in the role of Lothario Producer. “Can you take off your shirt and get into the bed, please?” I asked my actress while a dozen people milled about my bedroom. As I stood barefoot upon my bed above four professional dancers—straddling the actress with a video camera in my sweaty hands—I wondered to myself, “How did I get here?”


Actress Rebecca Vigil in Maul’s bed.

I blame a KORG KR mini Rhythm Machine for my evolution into softcore porn producer. If I hadn’t found that brilliantly earnest Amazon review for the KORG device, I wouldn’t have searched for other sincere reviews and I wouldn’t have found two deeply upset ones for personal lubricant. It is these two disgruntled reviews that form the only duet in my musical web-series Amazon Reviews: The Musical! And, you can’t film a lube review duet without a bit of boudoir filmmaking.


Rebecca Vigil and co-star Gilbert L. Bailey II share a burning sensation.

The duet itself is an homage to Meatloaf’s “Paradise by the Dashboard Light” (except it’s not eight-minutes long….). It tells the tale of two separate lube reviewers having a similarly unpleasant experience with the product. The male review is EPIC—the dude wrote it so well that it practically has its own rhyme scheme, which made it super easy for me to turn into verses and a chorus.

The lady’s original lube review has since been removed from Amazon—making it the only review of the series to be taken down by the reviewer. Alas…perhaps the writer felt a little too exposed with her personal descriptions of lubrication? Or did she change her mind and fall in love with the lube after all? Or maybe she wanted to take the review down before someone turned it into a song? (Too late.) Sigh. We may never know that lady’s reasons because women are mysterious creatures.


The dude’s 🔥🔥🔥 Amazon review.

A few weeks before filming I got a package in the mail. I opened it up and was shocked to see the notorious burn-tastic Shibari lube from the duet. I hadn’t ordered any of the props for the musical yet, so I had a stoner moment. “Did I order this and just not remember because I was high????” As I was pondering my own reality, my husband entered the room, saw the lube, and exclaimed, “Oh, good! It came!” Since the lube was the highest rated one on Amazon—despite the hundreds of negative reviews—he had bought it for our own personal use…. I explained that this was the toxic lube from the musical and that it would be going into the prop box, and NOT my box.


Amazon’s lube pic is missing red, irritated skin.

Although the stars of this lube review episode had to be shirtless while kissing and handling some nasty-ass lubricant, they were total professionals and weren’t daunted by the intimate subject matter. After a while in the warm water, our male lead rather liked being filmed in the shower. He admitted to us later that when he showered at home he kinda missed having an audience….


Gilbert L. Bailey II feeling the burn in the shower.

I hope you enjoy Episode 2 of this wacky trip down Amazon Review Lane! Stay tuned for next week, when we dive into one fan’s review of Jason Priestley: A Memoir.


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Lauren Maul

Lauren Maul lives in Brooklyn, where she creates stories, music, and shows (while vaping.) See what she’s up to at www.laurenmaul.org.



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