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The Best Discrete Smoking Tools for the Secret Stoner

Whether taking the form of Jeff Sessions, a nosy dorm RA, or your ceaselessly annoying upstairs neighbor, the need for discretion still has a place in the weed world.

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Cannabis has never been more popular. Between legality running through the country like wildfire, staggering fiscal numbers floating state economies, and a general air of growing social acceptance, it may seem silly to hide your stash. However, judgement seared into our collective psyche by the War on Drugs is still at play. As silly as it may be, not everyone is ready for you to light up a joint instead of a cigarette outside the restaurant.

This year alone, 14 more states could legalize cannabis. According to Forbes, “The legal cannabis market was worth an estimated $7.2 billion in 2016 and is projected to grow at a compound annual rate of 17%. Medical marijuana sales are projected to grow from $4.7 billion in 2016 to $13.3 billion in 2020. Adult recreational sales are estimated to jump from $2.6 billion in 2016 to $11.2 billion by 2020.” With numbers like these, even the notoriously pious (see: backwards) morals of states like Mississippi and Kentucky have their price.

Police, too, are coming around to the undeniable fact that the War on Drugs, one of America’s great embarrassments, has been a complete failure, resulting in overflowing jails that cost taxpayers millions, while destroying an unfathomable number of lives in the process.

Despite how far we’ve come, squares still, and will always, exist. Whether taking the form of Jeff Sessions, a nosy RA, or your ceaselessly annoying upstairs neighbor, the need for discretion still has a place in the weed world. Until said lames catch up with the rest of us, here are a few discrete tools to make getting stoned as conflict-free as it should always be.

Erbanna’s Maxwell B. Wallet Kit and Glass Keeper Backpack
$49.99

Whether a joint clip in a cigarette pack, or the blackened bowl of a one hitter left over in the glove box, true stoners are never without weed. The problem with this: weed smells, especially after it’s been lit.

Erbanna products use smell proof zippers and fun, sleek designs to solve the age-old issue of walking around smelling irresponsible. This subtle little container, the Maxwell B. Wallet Kit, holds a card grinder, one hitter, and two small rubber containers, locking in any residual scent with a rubber smell-proof zipper. It’s perfect for throwing in your bag before going out with friends, or remaining anonymous on public transportation.

And, if you’re really bout that life, check out Erbanna’s Kate Glass Keeper Backpack, preferably in snakeskin. In addition to being a cute mini backpack for summer, it features a secret bottom compartment with customizable foam for holding bongs etc. Throw your weed in the Wallet Kit, and the Wallet Kit in the backpack, and you’re ready for the ultimate adventure.

For more on these products, visit Erbanna’s website here

PUFFit Inhaler Vaporizer
$139.99

While there are no shortage of discrete vaporizers on the market, this one is quite possibly the funniest, and most inconspicuous. Looking in every way like an inhaler, PUFFit’s Inhaler Vaporizer will perplex anyone who sees you using it.

As we all know, cannabis vapor smells but doesn’t linger. Though you will quietly blow out a cloud smelling like pot, all people will see is someone warding off an asthma attack, and it’s rude to stare. With a USB charger, temperature gauge, and great online reviews, this is the vape to choose if you’re really that afraid of getting caught in the act.

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For more on PUFFit, visit VaporizerGiant.com

Smoke Buddy Personal Air Filter
$19.95

The Smoke Buddy is, in my opinion, a billion dollar idea. This little guy has saved my ass a number of times, from college dorms and subway cars, to the back of busses and my grandma’s living room.

A huge improvement from the paper towel roll contraption we’re all guilty of attempting at one time or another (aka, the “sploof”), simply blow your smoke into the filter and clean air comes out the other side. This device is perfect for anyone who lives in a non-smoking situation, whether it be at your parent’s house, or, more seriously, in a federally-subsidized housing situation. Medical cards don’t always matter to landlords. Many patients have faced eviction due to the medicine they utilize to cope with conditions. For anyone dealing with anyone who doesn’t support constant pot consumption, Smoke Buddy will save your ass!

SafeInside Flower Pot Diversion Safe
$22.99

A take on the classic stash soda can — or any other of the infinite objects that look normal but actually hold weed — the Flower Pot Diversion Safe is especially genius. Coming in terracotta and a darker shade, the top of the pot where the plant lives can be removed, revealing a key-locked safe hidden in its bottom portion.

There are very few situations in which the person looking for your stash, whomever they may be, would literally rip a plant from it’s pot in order to find your weed. That said, if you’re indebted to the mob for a few grand, or someone else who would tear your entire room apart to find something, this could be a great investment to consider.

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For more on this secret stash safe, visit Wayfair.com

This summer, keep authority at bay with these trappings of a secret stoner. Your boss will be none the wiser, and your family never needed to know the staggering amount of weed you consume anyway.

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