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© 2017 MERRY JANE. All Rights Reserved.

Trust Me You've Never Actually Had a Weed Hangover

Here's how to clear the fog.

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We've all expereinced the agony of a real hangover.

Waking up in the morning and feeling a bit off is standard; so is possibly vomiting, dealing with a splitting headache and stumbling your way towards the nearest bottle of water and a bagel, stat.

But, weed is a trickier beast.

Is the weed hangover real? Some people would say yes. The symptoms, however, are more subtle than alcohol.

There’s a general fog that hangs around the next morning, a sluggishness that sits deep in the bones. It’s harder to classify unless you’ve had some experience with it.

Personally, I don’t believe in weed hangovers, but that could be because I’ve been suffering from them all along, without even noticing.

From the informal poll I conducted amongst friends who enjoy smoking weed and being functional human beings at the same time, the symptoms of a weed hangover present themselves in different ways. The group I surveyed experienced only a few of these hangover symptoms, but that doesn’t mean they’re not real.

Weed, like any other substance, affects everyone differently, and so while you may be able to smoke three bowls and go to the grocery store, someone else partaking in the same activity will find themselves still stoned 8 hours later, watching TV and drinking water.

But, in the interest of providing solutions so that everyone of legal age can smoke pot without recourse, here are some ways to course correct.

Know Your Limits 

It is very, very possible to smoke too much weed. Like all things that feel so very good at the time, there is such a thing as too much. Yes, that Volcano your friend just got is awesome and feels like nothing going down, but ease up if you’re new at getting high. If you haven’t smoked a blunt since high school and find yourself staring face to face with one, I understand this is very exciting, but don’t smoke the whole thing in one go and expect to be fine the next day.

Consider the fact that maybe the “spaciness” you’re feeling is from being, you know, still high from the night before. If you know that your tolerance is low, do whatever it is you can to remind yourself to not smoke more when you’re already high enough to require sunglasses indoors. Set a reminder on your phone. Write something on your hand. If you know what you can handle from the start, you will never be hungover again.

Timing Is Everything

One particularly inspired Tuesday night decision to eat half a pot cookie at 11:30pm led to me waking up still very stoned the next day. Panicked as a result of both the fact that I was still high and the fact that I was late for work, I showed up at the office, told the one coworker I trusted that I was accidentally high, and ordered lunch by 11:00am.

Don’t let this happen to you. If you are about to eat an edible, consider the time the edible takes to kick in as well as how long it will last. And, if you have more of the edible you ate lying around your house, it might not be the worst idea to hide it. I have fallen prey to the trick of thinking an edible isn’t working, eating more, and then being high for longer than I intended to. Love takes time and so do edibles. Patience is key.

Stay Hydrated

If you wake up the next morning with cottonmouth and a strong desire for a can of Coke, you probably weren’t drinking enough water the night before. Water—boring and pedestrian and bland—ingested when standing next to the fridge at work is a chore more than anything else. When you’re high and in the right mindset, just about any beverage you choose to imbibe is a wonderful culinary decision.

Unlike drinking alcohol, which dehydrates, weed will give you cottonmouth but it doesn’t actually dehydrate you. Drink water! Drink more water than you think you need. Pee a lot. If you stay hydrated, you won’t feel like you got hit by a ton of bricks the next morning.

Defibrillate Yourself Via Exercise

If you were smart enough to understand your limits, drink your water and not eat the second brownie at the stroke of midnight and you still wake up feeling like your head is full of cotton balls and marshmallow fluff, then a hard reset is required.

Yes, I understand that getting up and going to the gym to dutifully trot on the treadmill isn’t what you want to be doing right now, but moving your sluggish body will get the blood flowing and make you feel more like a person and less like a bag of trash.

Go for a brisk walk or do some yoga. Your body will thank you the next day.

Step Outdoors

Speaking of walking, venturing outdoors is the easiest way to jolt your body and mind into alertness to get a change of scenery. This applies even more so when you’re sluggish, slow to respond, and hungover from too much weed.

Leaving your marijuana cave and putting on real shoes feels like an accomplishment, and you know what, it is. Take that accomplishment to the next level by getting some fresh air on your face. Get the stink out of your hair and feel the sun on your face. It’s all going to be okay.