In many ways, despite what Trump and his neo-fascist supporters say, America is already great. Nowhere is this more evident than in the beautiful novelty burgers being offered all over this great country. From the bright lights of the Vegas Strip to the pulsing heart of New York City, America is always perfecting the science of making the biggest, best, and most absurd burgers possible. Here are the most ridiculous burgers being sold from sea to shining sea.
The Coronary Bypass Burger
Sold at: The Vortex Bar and Grille (Atlanta, Ga.)
A half-pound sirloin topped with two fried eggs, 10 slices of American cheese, and nine pieces of bacon would be worthy of inclusion on a list like this for sheer volume. But, the choice by the Vortex to use grilled cheese sandwiches instead of a conventional burger bun makes this dish legendary. If that’s not enough for you, you can upgrade to the Quadruple Coronary Bypass burger which features 8 slices of Texas toast, 32-oz. of ground sirloin, 28 slices of American cheese, four fried eggs, 27 strips of bacon, and 12-oz. of mayo that totals up to 9,000 calories.
Mac Attack Burger
Sold at: Rockit Burger Bar (Chicago, Ill.)
In recent years, we have seen the resurgence of mac ‘n’ cheese, and it has been wonderful. From mac ‘n’ cheese bites popping up at sports bars, to gourmet mac ‘n’ cheese restaurants in hip neighborhoods, the childhood favorite has made its presence known in millennial adulthood. Another great mac ‘n’ cheese invention is the Mac Attack Burger, a burger that ditches a traditional bun in favor of a fried mac ‘n’ cheese.
8-lb. Monster Burger
Sold at: Jake Melnick’s Corner Tap (Chicago, Ill.)
This $50 burger is meant to serve eight people, and customers report that it is cooked just as well as 16 half-pound burgers. So, if you think about it, this is kind of a steal. Even if you aren’t big on the novelty, you have to appreciate the value. Also, what is wrong with you if you can’t appreciate a big-ass burger?
EB&D Loaded Up & Truckin’ Burger
Sold at: Smoke (Dallas, Texas)
Texas is a state with a number of over-the-top mouthwatering burgers, and many think that Smoke’s Smoky and the Bandit-inspired burger is the best the state has to offer. With smoky bacon, a farm egg fritter, smoked sharp cheddar, a homemade honey roll, and a big-ass pepper on top, it’s easy to see why Texans are proud of Smoke’s signature burger.
Fleur Burger 5000
Sold at: Fleur (Las Vegas, Nev.)
There are a lot of ways to blow your money in Las Vegas, but none of them are quite as ridiculous as dropping $5,000 on a burger. The Fleur Burger 5000 will no doubt be the most exquisite burger you’ve ever had, even if you’ve been to In-N-Out. The ingredients include wagyu beef, foie gras, and truffle. Oh, and the bun is truffle-infused too. If you’re worried about getting help washing it down, fear not: The price tag includes a bottle of 1995 Chateau Pétrus.
Sold at: Burger Brasserie (Las Vegas, Nev.)
If the Fleur Burger 5000 is outside of your price range, you can always go for the $777 bargain at Paris Casino’s Burger Brasserie. The ingredients include kobe beef, pancetta, goat cheese, seared foie gras, arugula, maine lobster, and 100-year-old aged balsamic. Like the Fleur Burger 5000, this dish is paired with a little something to cleanse the palatte: a bottle of Dom Perignon.
100 x 100
Sold at: In-N-Out Burger (The West Coast, USA)
For those of you with some proximity to the Pacific Ocean, one of the most ridiculous burgers in existence may be available in your own backyard. Several fast food pranksters report that they have been served a 100 x 100 burger at their local In-N-Out location. Some have even taken video to prove that they completed their quest.
Octuple Bypass Burger
Sold at: Heart Attack Grill (Las Vegas, Nev.)
Not to be confused with Atlanta’s Quadruple Coronary Bypass Burger, the Octuple Bypass Burger is served at Las Vegas’ famous Heart Attack Grill and boasts a 20,000-calorie count. The burger boasts eight patties, 40 pieces of bacon, chili, and cheese. The owners boast that their food has killed customers before, so make sure you’re comfortable risking your life for this big-ass burger.