Are you looking to ruin Christmas? It may not be so difficult as bringing up your uncle’s affair or your stepsister’s attachment to Mom’s purse string. It might be as easy as purchasing a Christmas ornament. Christmas is a gargantuan industry in the United States, and as with all gargantuan U.S. enterprises, there are many stupid products it produces. Here are some ornaments you really ought to avoid trimming the tree with this Christmas—unless you’re trying to cause a family blowup.
Official Make America Great Again Ornament
Becoming President hasn’t stopped Donald Trump from shilling with all the class of a TV infomercial pitch man. If your racist uncle still has money left after investing in doomsday prepper gear and converting his money into gold bars, he may want to buy one of these $99 bad boys. This ornament, of course, is finished with gold, because it couldn’t possibly be any more on brand.
Personalized “Suicide Squad” Damaged Christmas Ornament
Perhaps not offensive, but definitely in poor taste, you can now own an ornament commemorating Jared Leto’s performance in Suicide Squad. Yes, he was only in the film for a few minutes, but wouldn’t your aunt love to see his face staring back at her on Christmas morn? If you’re looking to make the holidays a little more twisted, we suggest spiking the eggnog instead of purchasing this incredibly dumb ornament.
Bill Cosby Drugged Ornament
The creator of this ornament made this lovely piece as a parody on the day that Bill Cosby was brought up on rape charges. We see the fading pictures and the clock; we get the joke, but we suspect many family members may not totally see the humor.
Snooki “Jersey Shore” Ornament
From what we know of the laws of nostalgia, we are a few years away from this ornament being truly funny. Right now, it is just a strange piece of pop culture detritus. Anyone who was consuming pop culture five years ago won’t be surprised to hear that the initial run of these ornaments sold out.
O.J. Didn’t Do It Ornament
With the renewed public interest in the O.J. Simpson trial, now is the perfect time to hang this oh-so-clever number and relitigate the whole affair with your entire family. Sure, advancements in DNA evidence have all but guaranteed that he is actually guilty, but why not get real saucy and fight about it under the Christmas tree?
Antique Nazi Ornaments
If you want to have something that is both an antique and incredibly offensive, you might just be a year or two too late. In 2014, Christmas ornaments used by the SS appeared on a Czech auction site. Thankfully, outrage at the listing ensured that you likely won’t see any auctions like this one ever again.
Snowman Sex Ornaments
As it turns out, snowman sex ornaments are kind of an entire subgenre of Christmas ornament.
So, do with that information what you will.
Rare Pepe Christmas Ornament
If you’re toying with Nazism, but don’t yet have the heart to come out and tell your parents that you’ve become a heinous bigot, may we suggest a Pepe ornament for your tree?
Hillary Clinton Prison 2016 Ornament
Remember Benghazi Ornament
And if you have two conspiracy theory uncles to shop for, maybe consider buying one of the dozen Benghazi-related ornaments available on CafePress.