Now that we have a professional wax sculpture as our president-elect, we thought it might be fun to take a look at some of 2016’s most blameless beings: wax sculptures of public figures created for “entertainment” purposes. Sure, wax sculptures did not create the political mess we’ve found ourselves in, but their blank stares and meaningless existence embodies the nihilism we feel.
Madame Tussaud’s adds 230 sculptures each year to its “museums” across the globe. There are other notable purveyors of wax likenesses, including the Hollywood Wax Museum and the Musée Grévin, which each feature four locations worldwide.
One of only reasons to buy a ticket to a wax museum is to scrutinize the body types of your favorite actors and musicians. Apparently, it takes a team of 15 artists three to four months to complete one. The subject who will undergo this waxing process must sit for over 250 different measurements and color matching tests. I’m almost positive that the Hollywood Wax Museum doesn’t take this kind of care, though.
Thus, when the sculptor misses the mark, the result is a hollow-souled and slightly off-brand version of your favorite star that is devastating to look upon for visitors. Especially considering that a one-day pass to Madame Tussaud’s is $82. The more you stare at them, the crazier they look.
Taylor Swift, Hollywood Wax Museum, Los Angeles
Real-life Taylor Swift is 5’10”, but somehow this sculpture makes her look like an elongated Amazonian.
Lucille Ball, Hollywood Wax Museum Myrtle Beach
I knew Tilda Swinton was a transformative actress, but I never knew she played the role of a wax Lucy sculpture.
Adam Sandler, Hollywood Wax Museum Los Angeles
Did someone forget to turn the AC on and it melted Sandler? Either way, I will have nightmares forever looking at this.
Justin Bieber, Madame Tussaud’s
😍🙌💦 #ItsRainingBiebs pic.twitter.com/N7MQGCUlZV— Madame Tussauds (@MadameTussauds) October 9, 2016
The singer was previously immortalized in 2011, but Tussaud’s felt he needed an upgrade this year, probably to reflect his growth as a person and tattoo canvas. The figure also features a “wet look” to reflect Biebs’ body during one of his concerts. The lips look a little too Kylie, if you ask me.
Beyoncé, Hollywood Wax Museum, Pigeon Forge
A photo posted by Natalie Thomsen (@natalieinthemiddle) on
Is there a royal edict that you’re not allowed to look directly at Queen Bey’s face? That’s the only logical explanation for whatever that thing staring back at us is.
Donald Trump, Hollywood Wax Museum, Los Angeles
A photo posted by @kshipley.photos on
This Donald looks more like Darrell Hammond playing him on SNL. Speaking of the election, in anticipation of Hillary’s non-existent win, the Paris location of Musée Grévin posted a pic of their sculptors hard at work on a Clinton statue to commemorate her victory last Tuesday. Guess they can always just mush up the flesh to make it look more like Trump?
Eminem, Hollywood Wax Museum, Los Angeles
A photo posted by @courtneydevonn on
Look, if you had one shot...you blew it.
Bruce Willis, Grévin Seoul
A photo posted by 그레뱅 뮤지엄 (@grevin_seoul) on
If you have to ask, “Is that…?” before deciding who you think a wax figure is, it’s no good!
Jack Black, Hollywood Wax Museum
A photo posted by Diana Cadena (@vane_dcj) on
Immortalized in a role that I had totally forgotten is Jack Black/Richard Simmons.
Leonardo DiCaprio, Grévin Montréal
A photo posted by Grévin Montréal (@grevinmontreal) on
Imagine if Lenin was in The Revenant. Now you can!