Night of the Living Noobz, or Halloween as it's more popularly known, can be a terrifying affair no matter how you happen to celebrate. Each year, for one night, the straight-laced walking among us transform from working stiffs to blacked-out zombies in offensive costumes, destroying the party establishments we frequent as they fist pump through vomit and tears.
If you live in a major city (especially NYC), this is a particularly trying time. Between the parade down 7th Ave, the overcrowded subway reminiscent of ground meat smashing into the casing of a sausage, the onslaught of cops and scantily-clad college girls, it's all but impossible to navigate. Living in the suburbs, you might find yourself roped into the position escorting a children's trick-or-treat excursion, which is fun for about 15 minutes before becoming as dark as night itself. College towns have their frat parties. Haunted houses aren't scary. And in all of these instances, the Uber surge alone will haunt your bank account well into the next life.
However, Halloween is conceptually very cool, a celebration of the dead with witchy roots where ancient people would dress up in costume to ward off ghosts and make offerings of food and wine on their doorsteps (hence trick or treating). To ensure your Halloween airs on the side of fun, here are some cannabis products to help you survive and even enjoy whatever shit show awaits.
Trick or Treating with Children: Ripple Dissolvable THC (Balanced 5)
While undoubtedly more of an issue faced by people still living at home with their families, being forced to walk tiny relatives around the neighborhood as they demand candy from people can happen to anyone who owes a parent a favor. No matter how you've found yourself in this situation, one thing is for certain: from laced candy to child abductions, people are weird about kids, drugs, and Halloween. Being visibly stoned or smelling like weed is simply unacceptable, especially since you'll literally be ringing the doorbell of every one of their neighbors, where involuntary small talk is sure to ensue.
In one of the most groundbreaking cannabis inventions I've come into contact with, Stillwater's Ripple Dissolvable THC (Balanced 5) can transform a would-be grueling marathon into a pleasantly wholesome evening. Utilizing a patent-pending technology developed by a veteran food scientist, the fast-acting dissolvable packets are odorless, flavorless, and calorie-free. Open into any drink or food, and get ready to be wowed by Ripple's pleasant wash of tranquility. The Balanced 5 formula features a perfect mix of 5mg THC and 5mg CBD to ensure you'll remain responsible, keeping your little goblins safe no matter how annoying they sound.
For more on Ripple Dissolvable THC, visit Stillwater's website here
Attending a College Halloween Party: Horrible Halloween Glass
Though I've never personally attended a raucous college Halloween party a la Redman and Method Man's terrible-yet-iconic film, How High, from what I understand they do actually exist. If your weekend plans fall along these lines, you may be new to college, or looking to impress the troves of sexy nurses, cops, and headdress-clad hotties who are unknowingly offending millions of Native Americans as they guzzle Popov to oblivion.
For a crowd that, in my humble opinion, is probably pretty easy to impress, show up to the party with a pocket of flower and one of these hideous/hilarious Halloween themed bongs. Found on the Instagram @witchdrx, these creations were entries in a contest that was held in Salem, Massachusetts on Friday the 13th. Perhaps you want to impress Pocahontas with a bong rip out of this candy corn monstrosity. And if that isn't your flavor, maybe she'll swoon at the sight of the hideous little trick-or-treater straight out of every nineties kid's favorite show, Ah, Real Monsters! Either way, if you can't afford one of these crazy creations, just bring weed. Everyone will love you.
Are you over 18?
Navigating A Major City: Vaprwear Gear
On Halloween, all major cities transform to a total zoo, but there's nothing worse than what happens to New York City at nightfall each year on October 31st. The streets are packed, cabs are out of the question, and the most drunk people are the ones who rarely drink. In a city so populated, cramped, and aggressive, shit is bound to go down. The cops are on extra alert and stationed at every corner, waiting to pounce.
For those worried about smoking in public (ridiculous I know, LMAO), Vaprwear Gear is here to ensure you stay safely out of jail and also super stoned this raucous coming eve. The Colorado-based apparel company has integrated vaping into their hoodies, t-shirts, and backpacks, using a patented Drawstring technology. Basically, you can use their setup to secretly vape out of the drawstring of your hoodie, and no one will know you're doing it. With tons of styles that can be paired with almost any costume, vape one, vape all! And most importantly, don't get caught. We all know who the real monsters are out there. (ACAB 4 LIFE!)
For more on Vaprwear, visit the company's website here
Entering a Costume Contest: Kief Crispy Frankenberry Cereal Bars
If you get involved with a costume contest in any capacity this weekend, two things are certain: you've made a huge mistake, and you're clearly embracing the fuck out of the Halloween spirit. Chances are you're drunk, too drunk, and will have to go home shortly after losing the contest anyway. You might as well get super stoned, and accelerate the inevitable process of making terrible decisions until you're too tired to see.
Are you over 18?
Kief Krispy's Frankenberry Cereal Bars are spooky Halloween edibles packed with the same intoxicating punch and impassioned holiday spirit that makes late October so great. A twist on your average cereal bar, the blood color is actual strawberry flavoring, and the active ingredient is kief. Each bar boasts 100mg THC, so beware! Depending on how turned up you are, you might be best off keeping it to a nibble.
For more on Kief Krispy, visit the company's Instagram here
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