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Here's Why the iPhone 7 is a Stoners Dream

The tech-savvy stoner community can get excited about this upgrade.

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It seems like only yesterday that the world’s Apple fanboys and fangirls were all drooling over the iPhone 6s (trust me, I was one of them), a sleeker and thinner model than ever before, a device you just had to have. But, just like that, it’s already time to start oohing and awing over the iPhone 7, an even sexier and more compact model than your now-outdated smartphone.

Now, although I sometimes loathe Apple for their constant smartphone redesign, I’m not going to lie, the iPhone 7 looks like some next-level shit. Just in case you needed help getting convinced, let’s take a peek at the features that will have all stoners feigning for Apple’s latest and greatest iPhone.

Twice the Speed, More Time For Weed

Before we get into all of the headline-making new features, let’s start off with what might be the most understated upgrade for the iPhone 7 and 7 Plus as a whole. The new phones will be equipped with the A10 Fusion chip, which is a 64-bit processor with around 3.3 billion transistors. According to Apple, this means that their new models will be twice as fast as both the the 6 and 6s. The previous models were no slouches, so I can imagine that the iPhone 7 models will be lightening fast, leaving you with more time to do the things you really love (cough cough)

Double the Camera, Double the Zoom

All of you iPhone photographers out there (even the selfie takers) might want to consider going “Plus” sized on the new phone. The iPhone 7 Plus will come equipped with two side by side cameras, which will allow you to seamlessly jump from 1x zoom to 10x zoom at the drag of button. In addition, the quality of the photos will be of much higher quality, giving you the power to get some high caliber shots of the crystals and hairs on your nug. With the 7 Plus, you’ll also be able to create and edit a depth map, using a scanning mechanism to create realistic perception in your photos.

Even those who settle for the iPhone 7 model need not fret, as Apple made sure to completely overhaul the previous camera system, offering image stabilization, a 60% faster and 30% more energy efficient sensor, an enhanced Quad-LED True Tone flash with 50% more flash, a 7-megapixel front-facing camera, and more.

Stereo Speakers for Sweeter Sounds


If you’re a music lover like me, then you’ll be pleased to hear that Apple will be using stereo speakers in the new phone models for the first time ever. There will be a speaker on both the top and bottom of the phone, so no matter how high you may get, you’ll never risk holding your phone up the wrong way when playing music. The speaker system will also have increased dynamic range and higher volume (50% increase), allowing your tunes to bump louder than ever before.   

Trust in Tim Cook

Hey may not be as outspoken and controversial as Steve Jobs, but Apple’s current CEO Tim Cook has done a pretty decent job since taking over the company’s head position. He made some pretty bold statements during the unveiling of the new iPhone 7, calling the new model “the best iPhone we have ever created”, as well as stating that it makes life “so much better”.  

Home is Where the Home Button Isn’t

On the new iPhone 7 model, that pesky and fragile home button has been effectively replaced with a customizable, force-sensitive technology. Ultimately, the front of the phone will be completely touch screen, meaning that your sticky icky fingers will no longer clog up the crevices after breaking down some bud.

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Wireless Earbuds (Don’t Worry, You Can Still Pass the Aux)

Out of all the changes that Apple has implemented in the iPhone 7 and 7 Plus, none has gotten more controversial buzz than the absence of a headphone jack. But, no need to fear, all new phones will come with a tiny adapter to ensure that your wired headphones don’t go extinct. The major change comes with a kickass—albeit expensive— solution, the wireless Apple AirPods. These new headphones will cost $159 and are set for release in October, about a month after the iPhone 7 will begin shipping out.


Bong Water Protection System 

Last but not least, Apple also announced that their iPhone 7 model would be resistant to water and dust, helping to keep your phone's inner workings clean and dry. Now, I wouldn’t go dropping your new phone into a swimming pool, but the improved protection could certainly help prevent accidentally spilled bong water from destroying your phone and your day.

According to Apple, the iPhone 7 will start at $649 for the 32GB model, and the iPhone 7 Plus will start at $769 for its 32GB model. Pre Orders for the new models will open on September 9, and are scheduled to ship on September 16.


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